The Doughnuts are Gone!

Since I'm riding off my parent's wi-fi ... I figured now would be a good time to get in a few posts (and since granny is taking a nap). Today for my free-time I got in a pedicure, savored a beautiful salmon and caper crepe with creme fraiche (aka creme muy deliciouso) at a sweet little french cafe less than a block away from where I treated my feet. I sat and read a Parisian Patisserie book complete with color pictures of the heavenly morsels and the specialty cafes where you can purchase such decadence. The pastry counter looked like jewelry cases. Each bon bon and tarte exquisitely displayed like the sparkling gem that it is.

I thought that might be the topic for my next blog: French Pastries Dissected. Alas, who gives a crap how to make these things when you can simply buy and enjoy them in the heat of passionate instant gratification!? Am I right? Anywho... yesterdays jaunt to the yoga studio gave me renewed energy ~ enough to brave post-holiday shopping at Target to buy myself a miniature Buddha tabletop fountain. I had just been reading about Feng Shui and how a fountain is an excellent addition to a well-balanced space. That and removing all family, friends, or former-lover photos (napes there) from the bedroom. This will make room for a relationship and thus not intimidate your 'guest' in such quarters. Uh-oh! I knew there had been something I'd been doing wrong!

So to prove Feng Shui to be as powerful as it claims... I moved the photos yesterday and just this afternoon I was asked out to lunch on Friday. Sha-Boinga!!!!! Sorry mi familia, you're faces are in the hallway and that is where you shall stay.

Back in the homestead, Grams and I have been doing well. We've only argued a few times... all pertaining to the number of doughnuts or cookies left. She thinks I'm stealing her stash. All this time forgetting how many she herself has consumed. I only ate one, so how come there's only one left when I KNOW there was four to begin with. If I even start to go over it, she'll cut me off at the pass. You just can't win!

Well folks... Granny woke up, and is talking about cleaning a spot on the carpet that's been there for over a month. So I offer some wine and turned on Anderson Cooper. Since the doughnuts are gone, I'm gonna have to find another diversion. Wish me luck!

Say Listen

So the parents are off to New York visiting my nephew. In case you didn't hear the champagne pop from across the park, my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on November 13th. His name is Neil, and in this picture he's sporting a Sumi-Onesie by Auntie Annie. 

It's been a little over a month and 'the dust is finally starting to settle' (direct quote from my mom's hilarious Christmas letter), and I'm hanging with grandma for the week.She doesn't like being alone for very long. That's a little difficult with my current lifestyle since I like to be on the move and free in the evenings. So not gonna work. We had an argument over me going over to the neighbors' house last night for 20min. No, that's not how long we argued for, but it may as well have been. When I got to Ron and Carlo's I scarfed down a beautifully presented poached pear a-la-mode and a glass of port before reporting back to the homestead and watching the end of Pride & Prejudice ~ A&E version (aka the one with Collin Firth) 

This morning, I attempted to race out the door at 9:00 so that I could enjoy my free time while her caretaker is here. Can't race a 92-year-old. Say listen... is the way she begins just about every sentence which always stops me dead in my tracks just as I'm departing her bedroom. Translation: I want you to do something for me or listen to something that has absolutely nothing to do with the present moment.

So I listened, and told I would be running errands about 5-6 times with increasing volume because she wasn't hearing me. I left without my cell phone (oh crap!!!!) and ran back inside hoping to dodge her before she could 'Say listen' me into hanging out for another minute. 

And what did I do with my glorious 4 hours of freedom? I went back to my studio, kissed the carpet, meditated for a good hour (praying to get through this week with calmness and ease), did the dishes, took a walk around the neighborhood, and mailed her Medi-Cal renewal thingy. Tonight I'm making dinner at about 4:30 (5:00 if I can get away with it) and writing her Christmas cards (better late than never and because I refused to do it on my birthday). And so the adventures with grandma have begun ~ 

Say listen.. I wish you merry Christmas, happy holidays, and a joyful New Year.

Teaching My First Writing Class

Over the summer, I had the joyous experience of teaching my first writing class. There were five girls ages 6-10. We wrote poems, advertisements, stories, and scripts. I shared the story of this blog introduced the class to Sarah and her magical sunglasses.

On the final day of class, they heard Sarah's voice. AJ had loaned me an interview that was recorded on February 23, 2009 while Sarah was in hospice. Her father and step-mother came to visit, and it was a discussion with the 3 of them. The date struck me ~ the very date I started my blog, only one year later.

We heard Sarah's amazing voice read  'If I Could Live to Be 100'. So powerful from the author herself ~ just the day before I had shared it with them.

The girls immediately responded to Sarah and the idea of the blog. 'So... you take pictures through the glasses.' Honestly, I hadn't really thought of it. I must have looked pretty sheepish when I told them that I never had. No worries! They were all over it. Discussion over... it was time to get to work. They took the glasses and I gave them my phone camera. Outside, on the field, they took pictures through the glasses, of the glasses, and while wearing the glasses but looking outwards. From every different perspective you could think. Looking up, down, out, and beyond my semi-narcissistic approach of me wearing them.

Afterwards, we came inside and they wrote their own individual reflections on life and nature, heaven and earth. They were so deep and introspective. Their words were beyond their years and I just swelled with pride and awe at these 5 young authors. I hope they continue to write and enjoy the written word. I hope that they will take this experience and start their own adventure. I hope that you will too.

'Bucks for Beds'



It's a picture like this that makes me so very happy. This is the fruit of a program called 'Bucks for Beds' initiated by Kids for Peace. In Summer of 2010, a team from this org went to Kenya and stayed at a local orphanage. A lot of the children have come from parents who have passed from AIDS, or were the victims of attacks on their village.

The Fiwagoh Orphanage (www.fiwagoh.org) was started by a gentleman, Benson, who was an orphan himself. He and his wife wanted to give back to the community and provide a chance for change Kenya. The Kids for Peace team was surprised to see so many children sharing chores, playing, and learning in a thriving environment yet lacked a place to sleep. I met Benson and a beautiful, powerful orphan nicknamed Chief . They flew all the way to San Diego and taught us of the inherent importance of giving and receiving.

With one hand I get and with the other I give. Chief told and showed us by gently slapping each hand with the other. That was it ~ pure flow.

My money was collected around September of last year and now I get to see the kiddos looking happy and rested. To date: 100 orphans have a place to rest their heads.

Sweet dreams~~~

The Love of Writing

(Taken from my journal entry on June 11, 2011 @ 10:52pm)

Today I was thinking about anxiety and my constant association with it. I find decisions to be difficult and constantly afraid that I’ll make the ‘wrong’ one. Whatever wrong really means. I’ve been waking up at night in a state of panic that I made a wrong move or it’s too late to change the course of my life. Like I’ve somehow missed an extremely important opportunity. I don’t know where it’s coming from, and I’m completely exhausted with it.

Yesterday I went to LA to see Amma, the hugging Saint. She blessed me. Seeing her makes me happy. Writing makes me very happy. I enjoy typing and watching the words appear. Sometimes when I write a story it makes my inner world appear. The manifestation on paper…. Writing is magical. I’ve never thought of it that way before.

Writing has been something that I’ve done, but not pursued as a career. I’m afraid of it because it’s the one thing that I love so much that if it were not to work out, it would devastate me. If it did work out, then I would be undeservedly happy. After writing that, it makes me laugh. There it is… the fear of freedom. Writing sets me free. I know writing would completely set me free. I know it would take me to where I want to go. I know this so deep within my heart that it’s difficult to accept. Like the love of your life.

Writing the blog has been such a good and therapeutic element in my life, but it still gives me pause. I’ll take breaks and not write for a while, I’ll neglect it. The writing is powerful because often it comes from somewhere that’s not even me. I know it’s not because when I read it back again it feels otherworldly. There are things that I’ve written that came true that wasn’t even possible that I could know at that time. It’s a channel. It’s a channel that I am intimidated by. That I become scared of and love at the same time. It’s my connection to God. It’s meditation, peace, love, introspection…. My pure happiness. I worry that this love is all consuming. That there would be nothing left. I would just be totally engulfed by it.

As it stands, I can’t hold myself back anymore. The need is so great to write. The need for freedom is so great. Liberation, total and complete. I’m afraid that having a lover would imprison me and liberate me. I’m afraid of both you know. As most people are… that’s why we stay and remain in limbo. We’re afraid of moving forward, edging closer to reality and truth. Feel like throwing up. I wish I didn’t take myself so seriously. I wish I could just laugh and laugh at my situation. How could I be so silly. Nothing bad could happen to me. My true nature is with God always… ever new joy. And what happens when we are satisfied beyond our wildest dreams? What happens when we reach the unreachable, obtain the unobtainable, become the unfathomable? Penetrate the impenetrable? It’s just my questions. You’ll know when you get there is the answer.

Out of the nest...

I can't believe it's been a month since my last posting. It feels like almost a year has past since so much has been going on. My sister came into town with her husband and baby-bump. My mom, aunt, cousins, miss Le and I threw her a beautiful shower and made some of the best food on Earth straight out of the Barefoot Contessa cookbook.

Lately, I've been working more as a teacher doing summer school programs and camps. The kids are adorable and I really enjoy getting to know their personalities and what they love to do. One day two of my students gave me roses from their garden. The gift was so perfect and sweet. Talk about melting my heart!

Speaking of ye old corazon, I'm finally getting back on the bandwagon and taking my chances with romance. Couldn't tell you how much I feel like a rusty nail and trying oh-so-hard not to show my insecurities but they are what they are. In any case... I'm sure I'll get the hang of enjoying dinners out and cuddling up on the couch to crack up over such fabulousness like old sesame street martian skits on YouTube. 'Yep-yep-yep-yep...Uh-huh Uh-huh'. Now that's the way to a woman's heart!

At long last ~ my parents finally bit the bullet and kicked me out of the nest to make room from Grandma. I was given this last week to pack up and ship out. Just when I thought I was leaving for Poway to be with my Aunt... AJ contacted me out-of-the-blue with the most fantastic miracle ever. She was moving out of her studio and offered me the space. Not only that, but she was leaving the exact same day I had to be out. Perfect timing! Can't help but think Sarah had something to do with it :)

So here I am now in my new neighborhood of University Heights thinking how amazing it is to be loved.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything, Miss AJ. You're the most magical fairy ever!

Hoo Doos & River Crossing

At the beginning of June, I took one of the most amazing trips to Bryce and Zion with a group of friends. Some I knew from before, others I made along the way. We packed 2 cars to the brim with gear, food, and people and crossed the desert to two of the most beautiful camping destinations I've been to in a long time.

First was Bryce, an extraordinary canyon of Hoo Doos. These are chimney-like formations that are created from erosion caused by melting snow and wind. We hiked the rim on the first day and then the Fairyland Loop. This one actually enters into the canyon itself and you walk amongst the Hoos and the Doos as if you were in a Dr. Seuss landscape.

There are wildlife such as chipmunks, blue jays, and deer. I saw a family of 3 run up the side with precision and caution ~ blending into the background. If they didn't move, you wouldn't know they were there.

Before our next camping destination, we stopped off at a place called Mossy Cave. There was a small cave, of course, but the coolest part of the hike was when some of us chose to cross a skinny log over a rushing river. I remember what I was thinking 'stay in yoga, you're just doing yoga.... just stay in it'.



Sevier River by Mossy Cave ~ photo by Diana Ruiz



The second leg of the trip was Zion, a natural masterpiece. The place had such an amazing energy it took me aback. While my friends took off to do Angel's Landing, I mozied at my own pace along the Virgin River and then up to the Emerald Pools. The first part of the trek I sat next to the river and let my soul rest in awe of the mountain peaks and sunlight drifting down between them like a magnificent cathedral.

I couldn't believe that in my own life... that God would care so deeply for my individual life just as he would this place. It was so large, and I am so small. To take the time to carve each rock with rainfall and wind while sustaining all kinds of plant life and animals. I am a creature here on this Earth, and I am loved just as an individual as this planet is as a whole.

Ok... so I cried. Beauty took hold of me and then my sunscreen got into my eyes and it made me cry even more... ah silly emotional stuffs.

And that's what I loved about the trip! It stripped me down a little so I could let the beauty in and cross over a rushing river while maintaining my balance.

When hope dies...

Have you ever hoped so high to the sky that when it doesn't happen.... it was the hope that died inside of you that hurt the most.

When my hope dies, it burns. It's like a Phoenix... it must die so that it is reborn anew from the ashes. Sometimes I can feel the walls tumbling and crashing down, I get angry, moody, and I cry. I often say mean things to myself , "You're so silly to believe in something so strongly. Why would you set yourself up for failure like that? Just wide open for disappointment."

I can't do this to myself right now. It hurts to much. Hurt on top of hurt. Too much hurt. I read this quote today: If Plan A didn't work out, don't worry... God has plenty of Plan Bs. I'll take a B right about now, if you please.

I love to hope, it's one of my favorite pastimes. The perpetual optimist... that's me! Oy... I can just feel the self-pity kick in. That's only good for so long, then it takes its tole. Medicine, that's what this calls for. Not the pill form, but the kind that comes from knowing yourself and your own strength. Not matter what happens, no matter how hard you get knocked down, there's always another way. There's always something better and had this particular thing happened, you wouldn't be able to receive it.

There's the birth right there. Here's to hoping :)

Party for Peace

Last week I was up in Encinitas for some meetings. I've been working on the Kids for Peace 5 Year Anniversary Celebration for the last few months with my fellow board members and we're less than 2 weeks away. We've been talking about it, planning, compromising, voting, designing, marketing, asking for donations, making baskets, and creating art for this one special night.

Pause for Peace Party Promo :)
http://www.kidsforpeaceglobal.org/5anniversary.html

As the Event Chair, I have quite a load of responsibility. There have been nights of complete anxiety, and others that are almost blissful. As I'm coming to these final days, I can feel myself losing steam. At one point, I told my mom 'I can't wait until this is all over'. My mom is an amazing event planner, decorator, and all purpose Martha Stewart. She agreed that yes, she has felt that way many times and it's a mistake. 'I often find myself looking to the day after for relief... and forgetting to enjoy all of the moments leading up to it, including the night itself.' 

What sage advice. Mothers simply have that way, don't they? They completely understand, and then lovingly show you the error of your ways...

In that moment, I relaxed. That was over a month ago, and now I'm find myself looking once again to the day after. If it's relief I need, I can find it in knowing I have 11 days and 18.5 hours left ~ OR I can choose to enjoy every single day as a heartbeat closer to this beautiful event that will help plant seeds of peace within my hometown of San Diego. It is my hope that one day soon ~ they will carry across the globe to those other Kids for Peace waiting for a chapter to be born in their hometown.

Luckily... Encitinitas is one of my favorite places in San Diego. Before my meetings, I walked the Self-Realization Gardens for clarity and after my duties were done I watched the sunset at the J Street overlook (one of the best hideouts ever). It reminds when I feel anxious and controlling to realize that some things naturally take their own time. I reasure myself that you can't rush a sunset.

Here is the video I took to share with you.

'And now ~ for your moment of zen...'

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter one and all! This morning I woke up not-so-early and rushed to Chemple (my combo word meaning Church and Temple) for the Easter sermon. I was half an hour early. What!?! As most of you have already discovered I typically run 5-15 min late. Anywho... I skipped my shower today and then when I got home my parents were in a rush to get to my Aunt's house. Have you ever had that not-so-fresh feeling? Well I did for sure!!! Good thing my family doesn't judge (or doesn't let me know that they do), and the ponytail can work magic for hiding greasy hair. Ewwww :(

  I'm embarking on year 30 and guess what... I still hunt Easter eggs. Proudly I might add, and so did my cousin in Texas, and some of my dear friends above the 3 decade mark. It's all good, but I missed NOT being knocked around by my tenacious cousin, Kira. She makes it fun, exciting, dangerous, and extremely competitive. We missed you, love!

  After the egging, I went to visit my grandma who's now recuperating in a nursing home from a large blood clot. She doesn't like it there, and I try to get her out on the town but I can tell it's bumming her out. It's been a challenge this month emotionally just feeling for her and the worries she has about death. We've talked a lot about the Great Beyond, we've shared our personal beliefs, stories, and what we'd like to have happen after we pass. I guess it being Easter and all sorta helps segue into that topic.. what happens after death??? The answer is there right in front of our faces ~ eggs, chocolate, baskets and bunnies.

          Joking aside for the time being... and I'm gonna make a cosmic leap here... literally... but do you realize that from our perspective on earth, we are the ONLY thing we see in the NOW? Meaning, all the stars and other light that surrounds us is so far away it's time delayed.  We see into the past constantly and those same stars help us predict the future (some may say). Following that logic the past is really our future and our future is really our past.

          So my conclusion here (tying the bits and pieces together) is that death a conscious return to source: it is when you realize you are not the leaf that has fallen from the tree but part of the tree, you are not the tree but part of the earth, you are not the earth but part solar system, you are not the solar system but part of the galaxy, you are not the galaxy but part of the universe.

          For now... I'm consciously tired and ready for bed. Goodnight Neverland!

Wedding Bells & Baby Rattles




Darcy, Le, Stephanie, Lindsey, me, and Kira



Seeing things from a new perspective can be tricky. I just got a new pair of prescription glasses and going without for a while actually got me used to seeing things a la fuzzy. Now with my new UBER clear glasses things are quite sharp and CLEAR.

Lately, there has been even more changes. My cousin got married AND my sister got pregnant. Well... not in that order really ;) but it's interesting how both add another person to the family. I now have a cousin-in-law, and I'm an Aunt to be. Now that's a weekend!


I can't tell you how much I cried over the last few days... if you saw me you'd think that I was stuck in the clutches of Barbara Walters and she was digging up my childhood. It was embarrassing! Anywho.. the wedding was so beautiful that it could have been featured in Martha Stewart Living. We were in the San Diego Botanic Gardens. Although it was bloody freezing, we all managed to stay warm by dancing ferociously to Katie Perry's 'Firework' (TWICE) and 'Baby Got Back' ...a wedding must!

Special thanks to AJ for doing my beautiful make-up and hair!!! (btw.. this photo was taken post ferocious dancing).

Making Waves of Peace

In the wake of yesterday's tsunami, I feel now is an excellent time to make some waves of my own. This little planet is a body. We are simply tiny organisms that live on it, like bacteria or cells, or whatever you want to equate our species to. The more war and problems we create, the more the body becomes sick. Like when you have a cold ~ you can get fevers, chills, and the shakes ~ so does the earth.

So peace my friends, make waves of peace ... so that the earth may heal or at least take a vacation from the violence and problems we cause within this living bubble we call home. 

I am calling out to all of you from the bottom of my heart ~ DO SOMETHING, find a way, let's work together!!!! Write, make art, sing, play music, discover cures, tell the truth, meditate, look beyond the chaos of corporate crap, hug someone, love everyone. Don't forget who you really are and why you are here NOW.

At the Japanese Friendship Garden ~ making woodblock prints of 'The Great Wave off Kanagawa' by Hokusai

I dedicate this posting to all of victims of the tsunami and earthquake and I send waves of love and peace to our friends in Japan and around the world  ~ so we may never ever forget that we're all connected.

One Year ~ Through Sarah's Eyes

It has been just over one year since I've started this blog. It's a celebration and accomplishment to commit to writing something for an entire year. It was my goal, just like in Julie/Julia, to do this for a year and then see what happens next. Who knows... maybe publish a book?

Here comes the reflection part....I thought about how much I've changed, but then I realized I'm really more of myself. Gone back to my roots ~ writing, arting, playing, and enjoying my life. Mostly I've grown (actually shrunk 'cause I lost a few lbs), and now I'm on the lookout for those next lessons that life is eager to send my way. Hello delegation, self-worth, and taking it a day at a time!

I was going to write about how much I've traveled, the friends that have moved, silly Annie stuffs... but it doesn't appeal to me. Ya'll know me, have seen my facebook, and probably could go without a repeat.

What is cool about this blog is that I'm proud of it. I thought about what I set out to do... see if there is a connection between Sarah and I. The only way of really knowing that is to talk to her friends, listen to their stories and maybe compare our lives. But AJ already told me the key... we're SOUL SISTERS. She knew her very very well and of course we're connected. So why would I try to prove something that just is? Something that was already so beautifully stated. I guess I just wanted to know how.

What I do know is that we share a dream ~ to write and change the world.
  And I'm learning that I am... just by being myself ~ and that is enough.

Zen Out ~ Again

It's that time of year that I take my retreat to Encinitas. Ok, so this is only my second time doing it... but it feels like a ritual already. One of my friends told me to take a camera and record myself on the third day. That's what she did on her Indian ashram retreat on the 13th day of silence (or close to it)... and was ready to GET OUT!!!!

Later, she got very sick, could only find almonds to calm her tummy and then .... a crazy monkey stole her nuts! Isn't that always how it happens?  When you're trying to be all spiritual and holy, something wickedly stupid and funny happens. Here's hoping ;)

I leave you with a little mini-poem thingy, koan, whatever... it's a response to my friend's blog about happiness.

Happiness cannot be gained or lost.
Happiness is.
Be in the moment, be happy.
Do not think
Do not try
Look
Empty silence ~ full of hope
No need for gain, no need to lose.
It is, you are, we are
One
Love.

The Cheese Bag

I went to my friend, Larry's, art studio tonight. He throws a show/opening about once a month at his unpretentious garage. I find it quite refreshing actually. His art uses clothing, wood, staples, newspaper, and heavy amounts of white paint. Once, he told me that friends give him clothing, towels, and other bits of fabric to create his mixed media pieces. It inspired me.

This evening I brought with me a little piece of my own, a cheese bag. Now, for those of you who don't know what that is (and maybe I'm making it up)... just think of loose fishnet sorta material with handles. (Here's a picture... horray for Google Images!) This one happened to be pink. Before I gave Larry the bag, I shared my story as I am about to with you.

So last year I formed a crush on my self-defense instructor. Hey, it happens... and sadly I wasn't the only one. I threw a party in honor of my friend who was going into the Peace Corps and invited everyone from our defense class... including Mr. Dojo (my mom's nickname for him). He showed up with another girl... one from our class. Awkward!

He brought with him some cheese in this bloody bag. I don't know what came over me, but I wanted the stupid bag! It ended up being a gift to my friend going into the PC so she could use it at the local markets of her stationed country of Romania ... or whatever. A few days later she was going through her stuff and insisted I take the bag. 'You know you want it...' She was totally mocking me. Ok... she was right, but I acted as though she were forcing it upon me. I have my dignity!

I've used the friggin cheese bag for the last few months now and it's been quite useful. The bag and I had one last trip to Trader Joe's today and I decided it was time to let it go. If you've ever seen the movie Clueless and there's this scene when Britney Murphey (God rest her little soul) takes out a box of sentimental stuff that she had saved and accumulated over her crush, Elton. One thing was towel that he put ice in to revive her at a party, a Rolling With the Homies tape to commemorate a song played at said party, and a picture of the two of them together.

Point is, we all attach sentimental value to things. I do it all the time! Case and point: the sunglasses and this blog. And I'm speculating that it's how we as humans relate a lot of inanimate objects. It creates an emotional imprint or memory, and imbues the object with power. 'This belonged to my great aunt, Sophie' or whomever. 'It reminds me of the day I graduated college.' Bla bla ba... so it can be a good thing. 

We also have those sentimental things that we'd like to get rid of, but don't want to burn or throw away. The woman sitting next to me totally resonated with my story and even had an old flanel shirt from an ex she would take out and wear once a year.

I thought of a few titles of the install and piece itself:

                       I wanted the guy, but all I got was this damn cheese bag.
                      Sentimental Bullshit ~ The Collection
                      The Ex-Factor

So here's my call to all of you... do you have something wyou've kept from an ex, unrequited love, crush, or even your own that reminds you of a time back when? If so, give it to me and it will be put to use in a fantastic artistic manor.

I find this to be quite healing...don't you?

What a week!

Anyone else having an interesting and amazing week? By interesting, I mean eye-opening. By amazing I mean synchronous. I've run into friends, met extraordinary people, and learned so much about myself and the Almighty. I have to laugh because perhaps some of you reading aren't so into God. That's ok... He's into you ;)

Starting from Friday, I met a woman named during meditation group. She was visiting from out of town and wasn't planning on sharing her story. After a little while, she spoke up and it was like the flood gates just opened. She told us about her daughter who died of breast cancer at age 38. I couldn't believe it! I thought perhaps I was meeting Sarah's mom, but then I remembered that she too had passed away from breast cancer a few years before. Our visitor was so adamant that we take just one thing away from meditation that night, and that is that we are not in control. We think we are, we try to be, but the truth is that we are not. She told us that surrendering was the best thing to do, and do it as early and often as you can.

As the week progressed, I ran into friends at nearly every turn. Another person from my meditation group and a couple who want to get into meditation. Meditation certainly how I learn how to surrender.

Today, I had a conversation with a gentleman who taught me about love and gratitude. A hopeless romantic, like myself, he had the most piercing blue eyes and hilariously wicked-loud laugh. I saw that he was journaling, and he confided that it took him 8 hours to write the single page. "I'm a much faster typer," he smiled. "But there's something about writing with pen and paper. It's more emotional."

He was hit by a car when he was 8, and is confined to a wheelchair with limited motor skills and delayed speech. He still has a zest for life and huge passion for adventure. Now 26 years old, he enjoys writing, reading classic poetry from the transcendentalist movement, and dreams of becoming and English teacher. He has published a book, The Obsolete Observances of the Way Things Are. When I came home, I immediately ordered it online. Something tells me his observances aren't so obsolete. Tonight, I shall end with a musing from this young author's favorite poet, Henry David Thoreau.

     Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?

Being in the present wears me out!

I recently started teaching after school programs for elementary age kids. Yes, I am Miss Anne, and I will be teaching you math and theater this year. The kids are great. They're excited, interested, sad, bored, engaged, interactive, isolated... all of the ranges you could possibly imagine. The program lasts an hour and you have to be quick to explain things, or else you lose your audience.

So there you are, playing a game - having fun and moving along- and at the flip of a hat... they're over it! You have to teach something completely different. It's like running on the freeway, you're in 5th gear, and then you stall out! Oh no!!!! Restart your engine and grind back into first gear ~ here we go......

To make matters even more challenging, the kids are all different ages. Some are very good at adding and subtracting, so they really want to show off their skills in multiplication. Excellent... but wait, their partner doesn't. Gotta play the game according the the common denominator.

The best thing about working and playing with kids is that you're completely in the moment. You don't even have an option here. You're in it, they're no spacing out, worrying about bills, the extra 5lbs you want to work off, the lack of a love life (not speaking from personal experience or anything.. just using random elements as an example) ~ You're in it whether you like it or not. NOW is the only moment because THEN already passed, and what WILL HAPPEN... who knows and who cares?

That full immersion into the present. Facing it and seeing those eyes staring back at you ~ expecting you to do something FUN right now. Because if it ain't not fun, then it ain't worth doing.

So when does that adulthood happen? When is that shift from the present to living in the past and worrying about the futures. Is it in high school? Maybe before? Maybe it happens when you have your first regret? Ewww.... that's a nasty subject. Where the heck did I get that from?

Honestly, I think it's just a natural evolution. We live our lives, however long or short and we accrue memories and responsibilities. Those two are enough to keep us toggling back and fourth on our computer of a brain between what has happened and calculating the probability of what might. Now there's an interesting word... might. Meaning a probability of something happening, maybe, perhaps ~ also meaning strength, power, energy of being capable.

Might I use my might tonight?

Well here's the deal folks. Being in the present wears me out! But it sure beats worrying about the future and regretting the past.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!! Welcome to 2011 ya'll. Celebrated with my cousins, sister and brother-in-law. We took over my Aunt and Uncle's house ~ who were fortuitously on vacation. Thanks to them, we were able to ring in the new year like royalty in the comfort of their beautiful, large, Scripps Ranch pad. It was all under the 'guise' that we were watching their dog. Little did they know...

Actually ~ thanks to my sister  blowing our cover and how quickly news flies in my family ~ we were promptly discovered. Oh well, at least I didn't burn any popcorn this time ;) We watched the ball drop, popped open my gianormous bottle of Champagne (thank you Brett) and then let the real fun begin. By fun I mean playing Rock Band 2 while commencing a nurf gun fight in the background. We'll never grow up... that's for sure. Oh and on a safety note: Never fight with someone who has real gun experience/ hunts deer and other unsuspecting woodland creatures and game. You'll get your butt kicked!!! Not mentioning names - SAMMY.

One New Years I went to Texas, and celebrated Scots style with a very interesting clan of people. Every year upon the stroke of midnight, the hostess and her husband would parade around their neighborhood with a band friends and bagpipers while she carried the ashes of her late father. It was his favorite celebration of the year, and so she found a way for him to continue to be a part of it. She likes to shake the ashes just to help ye 'ol Daddy feel like he's dancing ;) Oooo-kay. Check out the kilts on those guys!

I like that the holidays are all about eating to excess, hanging out with family and friends, and acting like a kid again. It's the best time of year... hands down.

However you celebrated, whether it was with champagne or a shot of Scottish Whiskey ... or a few .... I wish you a Happy New Year!!! May it be the best bloody one yet.