When my hope dies, it burns. It's like a Phoenix... it must die so that it is reborn anew from the ashes. Sometimes I can feel the walls tumbling and crashing down, I get angry, moody, and I cry. I often say mean things to myself , "You're so silly to believe in something so strongly. Why would you set yourself up for failure like that? Just wide open for disappointment."
I can't do this to myself right now. It hurts to much. Hurt on top of hurt. Too much hurt. I read this quote today: If Plan A didn't work out, don't worry... God has plenty of Plan Bs. I'll take a B right about now, if you please.
I love to hope, it's one of my favorite pastimes. The perpetual optimist... that's me! Oy... I can just feel the self-pity kick in. That's only good for so long, then it takes its tole. Medicine, that's what this calls for. Not the pill form, but the kind that comes from knowing yourself and your own strength. Not matter what happens, no matter how hard you get knocked down, there's always another way. There's always something better and had this particular thing happened, you wouldn't be able to receive it.
There's the birth right there. Here's to hoping :)
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