Merry Christmas!!! Feliz Navidad!!! Joyeux Noel!!!



It does not matter what is beyond or at the very end of a rainbow... it's what's underneath that truly counts.
~Anne Macpherson 



Merry Christmas to all and to all a good day!! So here we are, another year and another Christmas. One gift I'm thankful for is our new wireless internet connection ~ requested by my Dad and hooked up by my brother-in-law. We Macphersons may actually be moving towards our second technological boom... where skyping happens on a regular basis and Annie blogs from her living room. The first happened when we bought a CD player. Let's just say... it's been a while.

Other than material gifts this year, I've had so many that came in all forms. I am enjoying the gift of health, and one of my friends who was on the verge of surgery miraculously improved. I also had a huge gift of creativity this year and received a deluge of love and support from family and friends. This blog has been another gift that continues to give me the writing satisfaction I so crave... plus the lovely "Publish Post" button that allows me instant gratification!!! Horray ;) In addition, it gave me a way of bench marking my life this year. Reflecting is one means I use for growth. Especially when I make a mistake or two... or 20,000.

Speaking of reflection... on a magical day this week when it was particularly rainy, a rainbow appeared in my backyard. I'm always amazed by the simplicity of the sun's light reflecting off the drops of rain that form a magnificent perfect multi-color halo. So when I look back on all of my moments, colors, and those little twists of fate this year ~ I see a rainbow ~ I see myself ~ I see all of you.

From our home to yours ~ Merry Christmas!

Feliz Cumpleanos to Me :)

So it's my birthday, December 18, and I'm now 29. One step closer to the big 3-0. You know what folks? I actually feel younger. It's a miracle! I can honestly say that because last year I felt pretty old. Depressed was more like it, and that can make you feel ancient at any age.

I pre-celebrated last night by going to a Vietnamese restaurant for the big cat fish fry. Say that three times fast. So you get this big fish on a giant platter...ain't he a beaut? And then some salads on the sides. Ok, they're really not salads. Just platters with all the fixins for your spring rolls your gonna make. I was chatting up a storm while preparing one of the rice wraps and didn't notice it was sticking to itself. It ended up looking like a used contraceptive. Icky, hilarious, and totally non-reusable.

After the fish fry, my girls and I went to Vin de Syrah in downtown. If you haven't been... GO! The coolest bar ever. The interior is done in the style of Alice in Wonderland meets Marry Poppins and Pirates of the Caribbean. I know right! Now you're Davy Jonesin to go ;)



Le, Bithday Gal, and Shirley

FYI - I LOVE ALICE. She's my favorite Disney character of all time, favorite movie of all time, ffavorite costume of all time. What I like about her is that she's not a princess. She's just a curious girl with a great sense of adventure. Alice has a strong sense of self and learns about her own power and ends up standing up to the tyrant of Wonderland.

Turns out I met the designer about a month or so back. He's a cool, down-to-earth very nice person, and did quite of few of San Diego's up-and-coming places like Analog (formerly Mr. Tiki's) and the Pearl Hotel. For the Alice in you... follow this white rabbit link ~ 

http://onairosdesign.com/#427172/Vin-De-Syrah



Become Unstuck ~ HOW?

Tonight I had a talk with a new friend. Sometimes, when we try to forget someone or move one... that's when it digs in even deeper. I've been there... in fact, I'm still there, and the sad thing is that I'm not alone. There are a ca-gillion of us who are stuck on someone.

I've been stuck for about seven months on a guy. It sucks ass!!! Some of my friends and readers out there have been stuck for that long if not longer. So what do you do? What can you do? I'm miserable and totally exhausted. Every day I fight myself on this and get no where. It's like I think I deserve to be lonely.

That's not entirely true. This year has just been one big change of focus. To see what mistakes I've been making in the past and try a new route. I want to know what is really me, really and truly my personality and not just insecurity, pride, and overcompensation.

The only thing I can do is promise myself that things will get better. That's the only thing that's gotten me this far. I was asked recently if I censor myself on my blog. Answer: YES! We all censor ourselves when we talk and write. Some people are better at telling the truth and not holding back. This post and song is for you! Thank you for making me stronger.

Art Connected

Art Connected ~ The name came from an e-mail I wrote to my friend, Marissa, in Romania at 8:00am. In my morning stooper, I mistyped. It happens to everyone with an iPhone, and a lot more often than we'd like I'm sure... but something about it made me keep it.

This is what I wrote to her:
I'm so excited that we're doing this together even though we're an ocean appart. It means so much to me that we art connected.

Ok, I meant 'are connected', but it turned out to be art instead. Horray for Freudian slips! I was, afterall, looking for a name for the art show I was putting on at my gym, Boulevard Fitness. At first, I was terrified to do a show because there were only 6 pieces from my collection and 4 from Impact Visual Arts. So in this big, wide space there were 10 total. Not enough I assure you with a yoga room, loft, and front reception areas to fill.

I put out the call to every artist and friend I knew. Miraculously, they started to come forward. One by one, and then 2 more and then finally there were 11 of us including  Marissa and my late Uncle Stan. With over 40 pieces of art, 3 vendors, the most delicious buffet, and a live musical guest... we were rockin'! All of this came from the artists and their friends.

Annie & Family

Thank you to all of my friends and readers who came! Even if you weren't able to make it (or I skipped you on the invite list SO SORRY)... the art is still up and we'll for sure have another event in the near future.

Dia de los Muertos

In celebration of the dead, Dia de los Muertos provided a joyous opportunity to honor and share my love for those who have passed. My dear friend, Juan, invited me to the procession from Sherman Heights to Chicano Park. What an experience! I started the evening by viewing the many altars at the Community Center in that same area. Each one was unique, made with devotion, and the purest intention of staying connected. Some had beer, snacks, and Chargers paraphanalia... just the little things that matched the personality and spirit departed.

I met up with Juan and we got our makeup done. Don't we look drop dead gorgeous!?!? We carried candles and paraded down the streets of the Barrio behind the large pick-up truck carrying the Aztec dancers and alongside the low riders. It was a MIX. The drumming would start, and then the hydraulics would go, and I would just start cracking up looking at this mish-mash of history and modernity.

At the park, we met up with more friends and watched the dancers form a circle and perform. Each dance had a different beat and set of movements, but many were similar and blended into the next one. I was told that they go for an hour straight, and that is part of the ritual. Whew... if you did this kind of dancing, you would be fit in no time! It requires stamina and lots of quad strength.

The crowd was invited to give an offering to the great alter in the center. I gave my candle. Before you set your offering, you are blessed and cleansed with incense. It smelt amazing, like a mellow pine flavor. So subtle and yummy. Reminded me a lot of copal, the incense that the Mayans used and still use today in Guatemala. I bought some on my trip in '07. I might have a few nuggets left even.

In reflection, my blog seems to be one continuous altar. It's a living, expanding connection to a life and a life lived ~ a writing alter. I like that idea! I just read that an alter is 'a place to grow the soul', and that's exactly how I feel about this blog. It has pictures, video, poetry and story. All it needs is a sugar skull, a few candles, some marigolds... and I'm set.

Bessos mi amigos! Here's to life and its great cycle!

Peace Hero

Last weekend I had the privilege of seeing Jane Goodall up in San Francisco. She's a beautiful, tranquil, and powerful woman. Everything you thought she is an more. Admittedly, I thought she had passed away. Wouldn't that be embarrassing? 'Hi Jane, you're amazing, but I thought you were dead.'

Nope! She's very much alive, strong and extremely active for a 76-year-old. She travels 300 days out of the year promoting her institute and youth program ~ Roots & Shoots. http://www.janegoodall.org/

How did I meet miss Jane? Well, I got involved with an amazing organization called Kids for Peace. Every year they select a special person to give their 'Peace Hero Award'. This year, Jane won. She was up against some stiff competition such as Dwayne Johnson (aka THE ROCK). http://www.kidsforpeaceglobal.org/

She spoke to the kids, the adults, and to all of our hearts. Her message is to stop wars. Not just wars with each other, but the war on the environment. That big war that we all need to be aware of. It's what causes disease in all walks of life and poisons the food chain that we are all part of.

I saw the documentary, The Cove, that weekend. It's about the dolphin slaughter in Japan. The dolphins are killed because the government says that they are pests... eating too much of the fish, and not seeing the real problem! Overfishing. They justify the killing by providing free meat to the school children who then suffer from mercury poisoning. Makes you question ~ what is in the food we eat, the air we breath, the water we drink, the products we put on our bodies and in our hair? Coal tar found in anti-dandruff shampoos ~ not good for ya ~ just found out I need to switch mine.

So let us all be peace heros, to ourselves, our families, friends, communities and our environment. And feel free to share... Who is your Peace Hero? Living, dead, or even if you just thought they were dead... they all count.
My peace hero ~ Christiane Amanpour. If you watched the news coverage for Desert Storm during the early 90's you saw her for sure. She was a news correspondent for CNN and many other news networks. She's brave, intelligent, courageous, and when she speaks you trust her. Thank you, Miss Amanpour, for standing as a true force in the reporting and being honest in a dangerous world.

Committing to Self

Kicking, screaming, knocked down and drug out - I am committing to myself. Someone grab the contract 'cause I've got blood on my finger tip.

Have you ever been in one of those positions where you've ran out of options? You have one thing left and one thing only... and that is you. Yes I am one drama princess tonight, but it' been a while since I've typed and I feel like cutting loose.

It's just me, my writing, and my art. That's mi corazon right there. I've hid behind a job, a boyfriend, other people's dreams, and layers of self-doubt. Time for some disrobing. Ahhhh ~ Annie in the NUDE. 

As you may already know, I did un petit art show at Mosaic Winebar. This time, I'm doing a show for real where I will be there for the duration of the show and invite ya'll and give you plenty of notice so you can block out this date:

NOVEMBER 13th

Boulevard Fitness on El Cajon Blvd.~ yes this is a gym

8:00-10:00pm

And there you have it!

Bridge Point
Photograph on Metal
By Anne E. Macpherson

Goodbye to Summer

Sarah and I went to beach on Friday. My initial thought was to head to yoga, but I wasn't in the mood. The sea was calling me.

I drove around Coronado until I found the perfect spot. How do I know it was the perfect spot? Well, someone had already been there, and they left their cigar. That's some enjoyment right there! I perched on top of the rock wall and just watched the waves high five the shore.

I've always had this vision of writing on the beach. Like it's some distant 'if I became an author, my office would be the beach'. Just taking the laptop and a beach chair, but I always worry about sand getting stuck in the keys. Maybe just a journal and pen?

What's interesting is that this is a simple vision. Not like I need tons of money or world recognition in order to achieve this goal. Writing on the beach is simple, you just do it and it is free. I once had this conversation with an old boyfriend of mine years ago - 'What would you do if you had a million dollars?' His was just as simple, he wanted to work for REI or Starbucks. I told him to choose one, and with a little coaxing... he gave up his job as a stockbroker and followed his heart. He worked his way up from a grunt to becoming an Assistant Store Manager at REI, and he loves it.

As we come the Autumn Equinox and Summer comes to a close ~ I realized that it's been 5 years, and I'm just now following my own advice. Sometimes I think I need permission to follow my passion. The fact that I'm passionate is permission enough, and thankfully... Sarah and AJ gifted me with the motivation.

Tea Ceremony in the Garden

If you don't know already... I have what I like to think as a 'healthy' obsession with Japanese culture, gardens, and especially the tea ceremony. It started as a child when I was innocently watching Sesame Street and then all of a sudden, they showed a tea ceremony and I was hooked like Velcro ~ I could not take my eyes away from the screen.

The motions are controlled, precise, and delicate. The ritual is mesmerizing, and the best thing is that it involves food. You had me at 'snack.'

Lucky for me, my parents had decided  to participate in an exchange program with our local church and take a Japanese student into our home. Ritsuko, how I adored her! She melted my little 5-year-old heart and opened my big blueberry eyes to a world beyond my own. She dressed me in a kimono and cooked for my family. Rice, miso soup, and the sticky-as-glue mochi. You know how cool it is to eat mochi icecream now? Well, I was cool like over 20 years ago.

Last week, in the Japanese Friendship Garden, they were performing a Tea Ceremony in front of the majestic koi pond. I cannot tell you how geeked-out I was. When she asked for volunteers to participate, my hand shot up like a lightening bolt ~ just like a kid asked who wants to do show-and-tell? I didn't even think twice. It was a sudden impulse and I didn't even hear the question. I raised it when she barely said the words 'who wants...'

The tea ceremony is called Chado in Japanese (pronounced Sado). She made each cup individually with meticulous and special care. A few scoops of dark green powder are put into the cup, and then whisked with a bamboo utensil with vigor. She prepared thick tea which has a very smooth and frothy texture. Not bitter like other green teas.

She says to her honored guest, Please have a sweet. And then the preparation begins. The vestibule (emblem or design) of the teacup is pointed towards the guest. When you receive it, you view the cup, take it in the left hand, and then turn it twice clockwise so that the vestibule is faced once again towards the person who prepared the tea. This action says 'I am honored, but I humble myself and honor you instead.'

Just as the she prepares the tea... I prepare this blog and picture vestibule for you ~ Domo arigato gazaimasu

Releasing the Artist Within

On August 18th I unveiled March on the Bridge. It is my very first piece of art to be displayed in public. Those lovely people surrounding me are my parents and it was a proud moment for sure.

I took the shot one March afternoon during my visit to New York to see my sister. We took the subway to Brooklyn just to walk back to Manhattan over the famous bridge.

My mom's friend, a professional photographer, saw potential and helped it along with a little photoshop magic. I hooked up with a good friend and a great company, Impact Visual Arts, to have the image printed on aluminum ~ that's what makes it UBER SHINY.

 It showed at Mosaic Winebar in North Park ~ my hood ~ for 2 weeks and now it is going to be shipped to its rightful space - my sister's apartment in Queens.

Special thanks to mi amigo, Juan, for coming out and celebrating this special moment with me, and for taking the family photo.

Cooking Thai!

My mom and I took a Thai cooking class over the weekend. It was held by her co-worker who was raising funds for the upcoming Heart Walk. We not only learned how to cook, but we received menus and were treated to some excellent libations provided by a seasoned bartender from The Sandbar. Guess where I'm going for Happy Hour!?!

Anywho... we made chicken satay, fresh papaya salad, tofu salad rolls, pad thai (that's what I'm about to wok up), chicken coconut curry, and mango sticky rice for dessert. Oy! We were bursting at the seams.

I learned that in Thai cooking it's about these three elements: sweet, salty, and spicy. Yes, those three things combined equal heaven in your mouth. I must have been Thai in a past life because it's my favorite food in the WORLD.

If I could have gone to a cooking school in France and learned to concoct food that would melt the mouths of the Western world I would have...

...instead, Sarah and I took a Thai cooking lesson right here in San Diego to help a good cause, shared a meal with somed friends, and made my ma proud

                                                           ...and that is enough. (S~M)

Ensenada

In typical Annie fashion... I went away for a meditation weekend. This time, I went with some friends, and it wasn't silent. It might as well have been because everyone was speaking Spanish. Oddly enough, I took French because the teacher gave out candy. It's so easy to bribe a six-year-old.

So here's what I learned at the OSHO Meditation Center in Ensenada:

Drinking is strictly prohibited - unless you're a resident artist

Jumping up and down saying Ho Ho Ho can lead to extreme pleasure - just not to me

Mr. OSHO was a very simple man: he ate the same thing every day, hung out in the bathroom for 3 hours every day, and drove his Rolls Royce down a road dedicated to him every day - ZEN

The best compliment in the world - 'You dance like a Mexican'

Guys in ski masks carrying guns aren't bank robbers - they're military

When scared of guys in ski masks... don't hide underneath the bed - try the closet instead

12.45 Pessos gets you $1 - $1 gets you 12.28 Pessos

Don't sweat the exchange - buy a street taco instead

Beans are magical - unless you have a roommate you don't want to offend

After a sober weekend - hit up the wineries on the way back 

Border crossing - pack some good CDs and say no to churros (oy so tempting!)

La Cetto Winery ~ Valle de la Guadeloupe

Did I have a good time? You bet I did! $70 US provided a weekend in a lovely place with great company, some stories I'll never forget and I even tried out my very broken Spanish. I learned that Mexico is beautiful, poor, rich, dirty, clean, colorful, friendly, smelly, frees your spirit, family is always first, and life is good when the sun is out.

Vegin Out

Hi Ya'll,

I'm on a blogging binge! Something inside me just wants to express... so here I am writing again. Yesterday, Sarah and I went pick up box of vegetables delivered from our local grower - The Be Wise Ranch. I have to give them so much love and props for being a source of health and happiness. Check 'em out San Diego! It's all about 'Community Supported Agriculture'.

www.bewiseranch.com/

So here's the deal: you get on the list, they drop off somewhere in your neighborhood every 2 weeks on Monday. You can opt for a large or small box. (Just a tip - small is plenty for a 4 person family) My parents and I share and we always have carrots to spare.

You get fresh fruits and vegetables - whatever is in season. Don't be that uptight picky person who wants what they want when they want it... just go with the flow. You may find yourself using epicurious.com to figure out what leek and cabbage recipes are out there. You'll be surprised!

To further promote my health and well being, I like to walk. It's downhill on the way, uphill returning. Ok, so you can imagine I've got my bags of veggies with me and I'm hauling them back up the widow-maker (as my friend, Brett, likes to call especially steep hills). No need to imagine! I provide evidence of my efforts. Voi la! Don't I look cute as a button? Some nice neighbor man took my picture. Thank you kind Sir!

Ok, so this house that I'm standing in front of planted fake flowers in their front yard. What's up with that? Who knows. We'll just let that one slide, and keep marching upward.

When you finally get home, you are handsomely rewarded with a rich assortment. A bounty! This time I had 3 packs of blackberries (OMG so good!), nectarines, yellow squash, cabbage, carrots, avocados, beets, oranges, cilantro, and that's just what I can remember off the top of my head. So enough... you know what to do - go get you some! Sarah says :o)

(Picture not taken from most recent box. Fall photo - ahh look at those persimmons. Oy!) 

Happy 4th of July!!!

Happy 4th of July to ya'll! Well everyone is in town and I mean EVERYONE. My family comes together for this special time of year to celebrate at my house with a glorioso delicioco taco fest. No... we are not a hamburgers and hot dogs family. We love the tacos, the homemade guacamole and salsa, and plenty of chicken enchiladas.... enough to make this gringo family's mouth water.

So here's the breakdown: We have my sister and her husband flying in from New York (Represent)
My mom's oldest brother and his wife and two kids from North Carolina (What What?)
And my mom's youngest sister and her husband from Oregon (Ya heard?)

We're sad this year that some of my cousins aren't able to make it, but they are here in spirit for sure - we'll eat an extra taco in their honor!

As for the firework extravaganza... we'll be headed - in true family tradition - to the Coronado golf course. The display is shot out of Glorietta Bay. One year, the barge caught on fire. All of the fireworks lit at once and the finale was so fantastic, but over all too soon ;)

Last night the family went to the Padres game. Thank goodness we won because I need some home-team pride to last me through the weekend.

Special BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUTS to: Darcy, Lindsey, and my Uncle Tom.
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY and be safe :o)

I'm off to get a margarita!

Little Treasures

This weekend, I had dim sum with friends at Emerald off of Convoy. Delicious! Oh my goodness did we pork out! It's been a decade since the last time I've been to a dim sum restaurant. My first and only experience before was with my mom in San Francisco when I was checking out colleges. We had a little travel book on the city that gave recommendations on places to go and some good eats around town. We decided on a restaurant in the heart of Chinatown. The inside was as big as a football field and we were the ONLY white people in the entire place. My mom and I were directed to a table in the very center - everyone else seemed to be cozily placed along the perimeter.

When the first cart came around, the waiter asked us for the check.

What? We hadn't even ordered yet. How could they expect us to pay already? Was it buffet style my - my mom and I just looked at each other in panic.

CHECK!!!! NO CHECK!!!  He yelled to the hostess.

OMG. More attention, on the obvious minority. We thought we were going to be kicked out. Finally they came and placed a little piece of paper on our table and resumed the service.

You want this!

It was a command... not a question - to which we said yes obediently again and again until our table was covered with every possible steaming bun and vegetable known to man... except for some odd looking black snake or mushroom thing. We were so terrified of this dish that NO came our of our mouths rather naturally.

At Emerald, I was in good hands so I willingly (and happily) left the ordering to my veteran dim sum friends. Shrimp shumai, sweet pork buns, shark fin shumai, taro cake, tofu pudding, pineapple buns, shrimp dumplings, and large noodles with hoisan sauce were just a few of the delicacies that decorated our table. We left happy and our stomachs full to the brim with 'little treasures' (the literal translation of dim sum).

The Hugging Saint

Yesterday, my friend and I went to LA to see Amma (aka 'The Hugging Saint'). Amma blesses the people that she visits by giving them a hug (or darshan). Link for more info: http://www.amma.org/

I heard about her last year from a woman in my sumi-e painting class and decided to visit. Her son worked closely with Amma and lives in India at her ashram for most of the year. Before joining or even knowing the saint, he had a vision of her. He knew that if he ever found out whom this woman was, he would change his life and way of living to follow her.

Last year, I didn't see Amma. I tried. I took the train up, met an acquaintance of mine (whom I was interested in) for some dinner, and then went to the Sheratan hotel where she was touring. We discovered after getting there that the public days had come to a close. The retreat started and would last for the remainder of the week, a luxury I didn't have. Luckily, I wasn't disappointed. The night turned into a lovely date and we continued to each other for the next 6 months.

This year, I was determined. My friend and I took the train (same as last year) and grabbed a the fly-away bus to the airport. We were so excited that we couldn't wait for the shuttle to the hotel. We hopped in a cab who quickly booted us out in search of a more lucrative client. He was also trying to save us a few bucks since he knew the shuttle was free and it would be arriving any minute.

Of course, he was right, and I had to remind myself that in any spiritual endeavor... the timing will always be right... even if you perceive yourself to be running late or early. Since it had been a year, I knew I could wait a minute or two longer. The shuttle turned the corner and went right past us! My friend and I booked it down the next three blocks. I wore sweats and they were falling off!!!! My buddy wore flats and they were slipping off. We were quite the pair... waving our hands and yelling for her to stop all the while trying to keep my pants on.

Once at the hotel, we were greeted warmly with friendly faces and hundreds of people wearing all white. Wooops... black and brown - perhaps not the best choice. I didn't think Amma would discriminate since she's a conduit of unconditional love afterall. We grabbed a number - deli style (what they called it) and when the number comes up, you get in line to receive the hug. We were in group G1.

While waiting you may entertain yourself by meditating, talking with friends and fellow pilgrims, or buying different Amma wares and Indian scarves. Lunch was served in a separate meeting room. I had lentil curry, a fried eggplant thingy, and a mango lassi to wash it all down. Note: Skip lentil curry if you're prone to gas - I learned the hard way.

Amma hugs the day away. She doesn't stop! No breaks, no getting up for the bathroom, no stretching, no eating, no nothing. She hugs and hugs and hugs and hugs.

They do put fans on her and there's always a group of people standing around her moving people in and out of her embrace. When G1 came up, my friend dug her nails into my knee and squeezed. Oy! She was excited. The line moved quickly like a strange game of musical chairs that formed two rows like an imaginary bus. One person would yell out 'single' or 'double' which meant you could go in pairs if you wanted to get a simultaneous blessing.

Along the magical imaginary bus way, we felt waves of love emanating from the people and Amma herself. It was very exciting. There was a live band behind her on a raised stage playing Indian music and chanting. There were panels of orange, pink, and yellow fabric draped in wave patters. They shimmered and glowed with silver and gold sequins.

A man next to me had come to see her since 1987 - Amma's first tour in the US. He had an offering for her of a small bouquet and a mango. He asked me if I'd like to offer the mango myself. Yes ~ what a wonderful idea!

Maybe she'll eat it, he smiled.

Once at the front, a woman spoke to me: Nati langish. Nati langish.

I shook my head several times. Does that mean kneel down? What the heck is Nati Langish? I gave her my mango. Maybe it meant something to do with the offering. Here's my Nati Langish... my mango offering!

It finally dawned on me that she was asking Native Language!

English. I said sheepishly. She shook her head and rolled her eyes at me and then... I was embraced.

my daughter my daughter my daughter my daughter

Amma repeated to me. I think we were rocking, I really don't recall.
She smelt like roses and felt like a dream. Somehow I expected something intense and overwhelming. It was soft and sweet. Altogether like a grandmother holding you after you've skinned your knee.

And just like that... I was up on my feet again and feeling punch drunk. Whew! Happily I was offered a spot on the ground meditate. I'll take a moment... or two... or maybe sit here for the rest of the day.

I still felt her arms around me. Her hands touching the sides of my back, and the kiss on my cheek. They were gently burned into my skin and I couldn't shake the notion that maybe this won't hit me for a while.

Like a seed planted in fertile soil or the light from a distant star ~ her love grows and shines within each of us.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

Tonight I'm cat sitting for a friend of mine: Cali, Joey, and Tommy. His place is close by to one of my favorite Indian restaurants, Bombay. Wonder if they're going to change the name to Mumbai? A tip - Order the bannana curry. It's phenominal! Oh and don't forget to splurge on some garlic naan.

Anywho... I decided just to walk there cause it's faster and parking is horrible on 6th Ave. anyways. On the way, I halted in my tracks. Literally just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and stared at this one car. It was black Mercedes, a little worn paint, and had a very familiar dent on the passenger side of the hood.

It was my car! My old car!

I sold her last year, and I was just thinking about it this morning as I was driving down Pershing. I mimicked the way I used to shift gears and in that instant... I missed having a stick shift. There's something about the experience that makes you feel like you're REALLY DRIVING! I took a picture with my iPhone for I donno why...evidence?? Like yes, this really did happen.

It reminded me of one night when I was at Horton Plaza many years ago. I was buying clothes for a job interview... a job that I ended up getting ~ my first one out of college. In the Longs Drug Store (no I wasn't buying my clothes there, my boyfriend needed cough medicine or something) were people from an inventory company I used to work for. They were counting stock and punching in quantities on their 10-key. It took me back and yet I was in the present... ya know the twilight zone kinda?

Back to today ~ You know how you just want to reach out and tell the next person you see what just happened? Yeah you do! I chose the lovely Barista of Kona Coffee. She was great and asked if my old car saw my near car... would it be jealous? Well... I told her it was ok because they knew each other. My near car is actually my sister's and she lovingly passed it on to me when she moved to New York. The two have met several times. Her wheels are great: it has radio, the locks actually work, it's newer, sportier, and looks awesome.

All those things aside, it was so nice seeing the old gal, even if it was only for a moment. And the dude walking his dog behind me at the time had no idea... just that I was acting a bit strange for a pedestrian.

Monologue Performance - For Sarah with Love

On June 1st I had my acting final. It was originally scheduled for last week, but the professor postponed it. Whew! We had one extra week to memorize our monologues. The parameters were to select a monologue or piece from a play that had been published and keep it under 3 minutes. I broke both rules.

I chose Sarah's 'If I Could Live to be 100' and went 3.5 minutes. Ok so I'm not as rebellious as I like to think I am.. I asked for permission to use Sarah's writing, and as for the additional time... well I guess an extra 30 seconds won't hurt anyone. I was the last to perform in the class so I was a bit nervous. Can you tell?  Thankfully, one of my classmates was willing to take the video with my little iFlip camera.

Since the piece was a little long, I took out two paragraphs. Even still... I hope I did Sarah proud

And here I am!

Favorite Commercial of All Time

Meeting at Fort Rosecrans

I went to Fort Rosecrans to visit my Uncle John's memorial site on May 13th. When I arrived the sky was bright with just a few clouds. I put on Sarah's sunglasses and walked to the far north side of the wall at the very end of the cemetary. It had a bench and a fence overlooking Shelter Island, Coronado, and downtown San Diego.

To my back was a magnificent tree. It stood over 30 feet tall. The sun was directly above it. I took a few pictures trying to capture the light from my perspective.

I hadn't been to the cemetery since last June. I looked all over but couldn't find my uncle. There was another man further up the path. He was the only person in sight. I walked towards him very slowly all the while looking for my Uncle and a family friend, who was located near him.

Once I reached the gentleman we stood and regarded the wall together. He was in a spot where the wall remained blank. There were only plastic tags with the names of people who were to be memorialized, stones awaiting their engravings.

We spoke for a while and he told me his story. He lost his wife 2 months ago. They hadn't put up her plaque yet. When we made our introductions he told me his name was Fernando. All the while, I felt there was a connection, but couldn’t explain it.

He had an accent and told me about the ‘old country.’ I asked him where he was from and he said Portugal. “My uncle was Portuguese,” I remarked.

After a moment he asked me who I was there to see. I told him my Uncle's name and that I hadn't been able to find him.

He stood holding his chest. “I’m his cousin!” I didn’t know whether to believe him or not, but then it became clear that he was telling the truth. He knew specifics and named family members. Both of us could feel the energy prickle up on our skin.

He walked along the wall with me saying that he had been looking for John’s memorial, but couldn’t find it either. We were about to depart to my car so I could give him my card. At that very moment we spotted his cousin and my uncle.

Fernando and I both touched John’s plaque and gave our regards. I felt a calm and beautiful peace flow through my body. It was a strong and deep connection. Fernando was also present John's funeral last year with his wife. My aunt had given them a special seat.

Fernando e-mailed me that evening and told me of another synchronicity. May 13th was his anniversary with his wife. He had forgotten. I looked back in my journal afterwards and discovered that John’s funeral was on May 14th.

As I left, Fernando said one last thing to me. “You must be the angel I was meant to meet.”

“Were you told you were meant to meet an angel today?” I asked quizzically.

“No. I just believe that they’re always around us,” he smiled.

Monologue ~ The Acting Final

Today's the day! It's my acting class final at UCSD. I'm performing 'If I Lived to be 100'. This was made possible by the graciousness of AJ and our acting professor who allowed me to bend the rules and chose a monologue that is not part of a published play ... well... not as of YET that is ;)

I asked AJ if she would share it with me, and she gave it some good thought. In the end, she trusted me to fly solo and do Sarah's piece justice. Tonight, I hope to capture her voice (although I've never heard it) and her vibrant spirit.

Last night as AJ and I were practicing our monologues, she gave me some very good advice and that was to do it with a smile.

"That's Sarah. She was just positive, positive, positive. Always positive."

So tonight, I'm planning to record a video and hopefully learn (once and for all) how to post videos to YouTube and embed them in this blog. If not.. please hound me in the comment section ;)

I Dream a Dream

Last night I dreamt that I was back at my old high school about to graduate. I had received a letter from them expressing that they'd like me to participate in their talent show to accompany the graduation ceremony and sing a song... a duet actually. Marissa popped into my brain. She and I could sing The Rose by Bette Midler.

Sunday night, I had heard this song on the radio on the way home from saying goodbye to her one last time. It was more perfect, and more in tune with my soul than any other song could be. I cried, and cried, and just let the tears flow.

In the dream I knew it would be difficult to sing in front of all of those people. Our voices would crack, and we were both crying just practicing it. I wanted to pick something else, I didn't want people to see me break down. It would be too hard.

Tonight watched the final minutes of Glee. One of the last songs was a duet. I Dreamed a Dream. It was one of Sarah's favorites. She had sung it several times, and there is a recording of her singing it with such vigor and strength even though she was near the end of her life. In that same recording, she read If I Could Live to be 100. I haven't heard it yet, but I know it will be something that will change the way I see this blog, and perhaps my own life for that matter.

This inspired me to think about duets. In acting class, our final is to perform a monologue. I chose Sarah's very own piece. I'd like AJ do the monologue with me. It's too long for one person, but if we share it and do it as a duet, we won't have to cut any of the meaningful words that Sarah lovingly left for us... her soul sisters.

Peace Out

My buddy Marissa is leavening for the Peace Corps in T - one week. She and I have been friends for nearly 8 years and it's like loosing a sister, a soul sister. I feel momentum building up like a pressure cooker. There are so many things that she's experiencing emotionally all at one time. Saying goodbye, tying up loose ends, selling her car, giving away clothing and non-essentials.

I think of all the things she has to let go of, and mirror that to my own life. What can I let go of? What's been holding me back and loading me down? Change is coming, whether we like it or not, but being light and divesting ourselves of those heavy feelings and things can make the transition a little less painful.

Last night, I held a party in her honor. It felt good to gather with all of our friends, have a big buffet, and share our mutual pain of missing a beloved friend while celebrating her at the same time. She and Star came over early to work on the decor, but around 3:30 I got a call from my Grandma that sent me into a tailspin.

She was violently ill. I dropped everything and rushed to her appartment. Nothing would stay down and her body shook with every breath. It lasted for nearly 45 minutes, and that was only when I was there. It must have stated at least a half hour prior. She's 90 and I know that my time with her is limited. When I got home I had dishes to wash, crepes to cook, and a shower to take. I broke down over the sink and allowed myself to let go and do a massive 'ugly cry' (as Oprah would say). I wiped my tears and runny nose and just kept on scrubbing.

After that I tried despirately to compartmentalized the rest of the time I had. People were arriving at 7 and it was now 5:45pm. I told myself - Shower first, then crepes. The best decision I made all evening. By the time I popped out of the bath, an angel had come to my rescue. At first I thought I may have an intruder. As I heard the backyard gate unhinged I waited in my towel, still wet, with heavy breath.

It was my friend who had promised to come over after work. I am so glad your here! I hugged her (more like collapsed on top of her) and kissed her on the cheek. She listened to my predicament while we prioritized the tasks left. She firmly told me to stay seated on the couch and drink some water for a few moments while she worked in the kitchen. Annie, I'm here... just take a breather. She repeated this mantra until I finally sat still and obeyed the wise woman.

She helped cook, clean, and stayed after everyone had left to share a glass of wine and a job well done. She even took me for a walk in the middle of the festivities. She is my angel and there were so many other friend angels that helped as well. If it wasn't for them, I never would have made it through that night in one piece or without another breakdown over the sink.

The Jade Buddha

Two days after the Lunar New Year (celebrated this year on February 14th) I went to a Buddhist Monastery in Escondido. My friend had recommended that I go to see the Jade Buddha that was on display and touring the world. It is a statue carved out of gem quality jade found in the mountains of upper British Columbia. It was commissioned to represent and spread Universal Peace.

The whole thought around it made me curious and I thought it would be an excellent outing for Sarah and I.

While there, I visited the other statues on the grounds before reaching the magnificent Buddha. I could see him situated regally beneath a red pagoda. The color was so dark that it looked almost black. The golden head shined brightly with a halo disk beaming behind it.

I gathered with the crowed in front of it while an announcer led the prayers in Vietnamese and Chinese. Towards the end, I recognized one word, 'sun'. Not because I can translate, but because they were actually saying 'sun' over and over again.

Just off to the west the sun was shining brightly between the trees. One woman next to me was kind enough to translate the rest. "Look, look. The sun. See how it is green in the center?"

I shook my head. I didn't see the green center, nor did I care to lie. She persisted by pointing and repeating. "See here. Look here." She moved me in front of her so that I could see from her perspective. Just then, I saw it. The green center, a yellow halo, and many colors radiating outwards. The sun was pulsating.

"It's a miracle... a very very good sign!" She told me emphatically.
"We could all use one," I replied.

We stared for what felt like a half hour, but was only just a few minutes. It dawned on me that I should take a picture... wait no... a video. My phone could record and so could my digi-cam. As of right now, I haven't uploaded it to YouTube, but I plan to do that in the next few days so I can share what my friend, Star, titles The Miracle of the Sun.

... And at last I learned how upload videos to the wonderful world of YouTube. Enjoy! (5/27/10)

Great Dane

Two days after posting Sarah's beautiful piece, I found out there was a synchronicity. AJ informed me on our way to acting class that she passed away on April 24, 2009. Just before that entry, I mentioned chrysanthemums as the flower I associate with Sarah. After making that statement, I had been inundated with them. Depicted on my shirts, the tea I drank at Saffron (quite tasty), on a sake pot I have in my front room, and in centerpieces at the Japanese Friendship Garden tea they were holding for members and guests. I realized that she wanted to share and now was the time.

Today I went to a friend's BBQ. I took Sarah's fab glasses as it's the first day of May and a happily sunny day. It was ama-Zing (my grandpa's word for something quite phenomenal originating from a book that I wrote when I was 5 when I accidentally capitalized the Z). My friend's husband is a chef and has other friends with excellent cooking skills. We gorged on Diablo Shrimp, ginger salmon, wilted spinach salad with chili-garlic sauce, turkey burgers, and ribs. Halleluia it was so yummy!!!

I thought of Sarah's last statements in her piece. Just that she loved time with her friend and family. It was all about gathering for the sake of being together ... and eating. I like the eating part because it seals the bond. You just enjoy everything better when there's food involved. Food, conversation, laughter, friends.

There's this word in Danish (pause while I dust off my Global marketing book) hyggeligt ~ which means a "social situation [that is] comfortable, cozy, and intimate." (Understanding Global Cultures by Martin J. Gannon) This is the lifeblood of my social experiences. That's what I aim for and it totally makes sense since I'm a quarter Danish.

My grandma, Lulu (on my mom's side) was a great Dane. I celebrated her just last week by getting a pedicure at Lulu's in South Park. Interestingly enough, one my grandma's ways of creating hyggeligt was to give her grandchildren foot rubs. One day, there was all 7 of us kids spending the night. She filled a large, metal salad bowl full of water and soap. She lined us up. One would be at the soaking station while the other would have their feet in her lap while she lovingly rubbed them with a Costco-sized container of Vaseline lotion. All the while, she'd be solving Wheel of Fortune puzzles or proclaiming the answers to a Jeopardy question. "What is the Hindu Kush? Alex, I'd take 'Topsy Turvy' for $500 please."

If I Could Live to be 100 ~ By Sarah

If I Could Live to be 100
By Sarah M.

If I could live to be 100, there is nothing more that I would want than I have today...

If I could have sung at Carnegie Hall, I would have, instead, my sister and I had a concert for my parents in the living room, and there were songs sung in cars on trips, and melodies sung in bathtubs by moonlight and candlelight, and that is enough.

If I could have written and published a book with my life story and some poems and thoughts about my life and those who shaped it, I would have. Instead, I have written e-mails and letters and cards to those I have entrusted with my heart that tells a story of sorts and that is enough.

If I could have had as many children as God would give me to fill a house and make it a home, I would have. Instead we have three in Heave, and I became a Godmother and I have the opportunity to love nieces and nephews that have grown from children into men and women and that is enough.

If I could have, I would have traveled to every town and city in every country, and experienced a day in the life of the world. Instead, I have had a handful of wonderful adventures, gifted to me and by my parents and friends, some in far away places, and some right here at home, and that is enough.

If I could have gone to a great University and done something big to change the world, I would have. Instead, I went to State College, met the man of my dreams, became a wife, grew into a woman of faith, and saw that I could change the world just by being myself, and loving those that I am lucky enough to call my family and friends, and that is enough.

If I could have gone to cooking school in France and learned to concoct food that would melt the mouths of the Western World, I would have. Instead, I learned to peel an apple in one long strand, and make a pie crust that made my Ma proud, and that is enough.

If I could have painted tapestries and canvases as large as the sky, I would have. Instead I paint ceramics and rocks and tiny pots to give to those I know and love, and that is enough.

Is there anything else that I have not done that I wish I could? Would I climb Mt. Everest or visit more far off places or learn more languages or read more books? Probably, if I could. Instead, what I would want most of all is to gather with everyone I know and to share a meal and some stories and some songs and celebrate the life we have lived together and still live today. And that would be enough.

A Specific Sign

When anyone passes away in my family I get scared. To be specific, I sleep with the lights on and worry that they might communicate in some paranormal way, ie I'll see their ghost. Sure, it could be considered paranoia... paranormal paranoia I guess. My psyche needs some sort of solace to know that they're ok, and that they've crossed over (Thank you, John Edwards).

I admitted my fear to Star and she suggested that I ask for a sign. One afternoon, shortly after my Uncle passed away, I asked for a sign and made it as specific as possible. It had to be something that reminded me of him. That was my thought, and it made sense at the time. He was awarded the Purple Heart in Vietnam so that was the sign. It could be a heart that was purple like a sticker, baloon, whatever. That was ok with me. I shared with my Aunt, his wife, one day over the phone. She, too, was looking for a sign of her own.

About a month later, my friend showed up at the door. She was sweaty and irritated. "I'm trying to mail this thing off, and all I wanted was a few stamps. They were all out of the ones I wanted. They only had these!" There, in her grip, was a page of Purple Hearts. Not just any heart, THE PURPLE HEART MEDAL. I traded a few stamps withher and immediately sent my aunt a letter with the stamp right on the front.

To this day, I think of him when I see that symbol, and it helps me know that he's with me.

To infinity... and beyond.

Sarah isn't the only person I find myself connecting to from the afterlife. That's sounds so paranormal when I write it and repeat to myself, but it's true. I've seen a significant influx of connection to my Dad's father, Cliff, and my Mom's aunt, Annie, on her mother's side. I never met either one of them.

I know that my Grandpa was a fighter. He boxed, like many people who grew up during the WWII era. Even though it was a common sport, it's certainly not as common for women. During my self-defense classes, I'm learning punches, jabs, crosses, and upper-cuts and it's coming quite naturally. I've been told that I fight like a boy. Maybe it's genetic, or maybe it's skill that I happen to be pre-disposed to, but it feels nice to think of him and feel a oneness.

Similarly, Annie (my mom's aunt) was a member of the SRF. I didn't find this out until recently. Whe share other commonatlities like a love of Japanese culture and art.

Happily, I'm not the only one who has said they feel kindered to people who have passed away. My friend, Star, adors Georgia O'Keefe. They are both artists, and oftentimes she will receive gifts and cards with orange poppies ~ her code and symbol for O'Keefe. My symbol for Sarah... red Volkswagon Beetles, and chrysanthemums. The first is obvious to me, she owned one. The second... no idea, the flower just resonates with my perception of her personality.

This helps reinstate my belief that it's never too late. We can connect and stay connected at any time, and any place for that matter. Wether you were related, friends, or just someone who's inspired by their life, we can all share something meaningful.

The Acting Bug

Ever since I can remember, I've had the acting bug. My sister and I wrote a series of Sherlock Holmes Mystery plays (before Robert Downey Jr. made it cool). We recruited our cousins, made our own props and costumes. Our first play was called The Scarlet Knife. Not bad a couple of kids under 10.

When AJ told me she was taking an acting class... I couldn't contain my enthusiasm. Our first class was last week and we're both having a good time to and from class singing in the car, trying out our accents, and skipping Wizard-of-Oz style from the parking lot to the classroom.

Inside is another matter. Suddenly, we become shy and nervous. This wave of terror filled me when I realized it was soon my turn to do a 2 minute bit on using an object to recreate a daily activity. AJ was having similar feelings. I thought she did a great job though.

On the way home, our song came on the radio! We blasted Hey Soul Sister and sang at the top of our lungs in loving honor and memory of Sarah. I can't help but think she is watching us silly girls and perhaps singing right along with us. I hope so from the bottom of my heart.

It's a SILENT retreat??? One reason to read the fine print.

In the new year, I signed myself up for a retreat. Little did I know... it was silent. Aaaaah!!!! Anyone who has ever met me can see that I enjoy talking and conversation a lot. It's one of the fundamentals of my personality. I like getting to know people, I always have a few questions up my sleeve saved for uncomfortable silences. Looks like I wouldn't be able to use my amo afterall.

What did I do for my beautiful weekend of silence at the Encinitas SRF Center? I prayed... to be able to talk! Well, not really, but I did write a lot, and I even wrote notes to my suite-mate and left them for her in our adjoining bathroom to discover the next time she used the Lou.

Although it was raining for the majority of the weekend, I did use Sarah-Vision to explore the gardens. I woke up early one morning before they had opened the gates to the public and just walked around. It was so blustery and cold, but the waves and clouds made it worth my while. Powerful crashing, ominous clusters of thunderheads staring me down. I loved it!

I visited with my coy friends and there was a smaller pond off to the side with baby coy in a submerged box. It made me think of how I live my life. There's this great big pond of a world out there, and I'm existing in this little bubble of an environment, and I can't wait for the day when I set myself free.

On the last day, the retreatants were taken on a tour of the Hermitage. You can do this on Sundays at a designated time in the day. Before going into the beautiful space, we sat in the Chapel for a moment of quiet reflection. I thought to ask Master forr a blessing. Before the words formed in my mind.... Guruji answered my prayer with a most emphatic "YES!" My heart swelled in my chest and I felt flooded with a warm energy throughout my entire body.

In the Hermitage, I saw the very room where Yogananda would spend his days and nights writing. He finished Autobiography of a Yogi on a wooden desk overlooking the ocean bluff. As I realized this... I mean words cannot describe how I felt. Overjoyed, thrilled, super duper happy. You name it!

After I came back to the main room, something flew into my eye. I kept trying to work it out with the tips of my finger when I was suddenly spotted by one of the nuns. She looked at my sympathetically, opened a small drawer next to her and produced a small tissue. She nodded and said, "It can be overwhelming sometimes for people. I understand."

I was about to tell her that she didn't, but I enjoyed her sympathy and the humor of the situation much better.

A New Perspective

This last Christmas Eve, I had another dream. This time, Paramahansa Yogananda himself was there. He founded the Self-Realization Fellowship in 1920 and brought Kriya Yoga to the United States. The first time I'd ever heard of him was in Yoga Journal in an ad for Autobiography of a Yogi.

In my dream, Yogananda was very young looking, even younger than in the photo's I had seen of him. He looked timeless with brilliant terracotta tan skin, sparkling eyes, shining long black hair and a full-length orange robe.

We took a tour of the gardens. We walked the path that inclined a little with arching green trees and low hanging branches that looked like arms. Yogananda walked with me arm-in-arm and I couldn't stop talking. I tried to impress him with my knowledge of spirituality and all the while I kept telling myself to simply 'shut up' and listen to what my Master had to say.

There was a bit of fruit on the way in the trees and in baskets. He asked me if I would care for some. I said yes, so he picked up a pear and began to eat it. He took a few bites and then tossed it behind him before it was finished. I was a little shocked so I ran behind and picked up the pear, dusted it off, and took a few bites myself. Guruji told me there would be more and there wasn't a worry even though I thought it might be considered 'wasteful'. I carried the pear for a little while and then put it in the crux of a tree when I was satisfied.

He then spoke of perspective and told me to look ahead and tell him what I saw. I saw more of the garden, trees, branches and I felt anxious but also bored with what the scene. It was more of the same really. He told me to look to my left. To physically turn and just look. I looked and saw golden statues and figurines. It excited me, but there wasn't a path to it. Just a beautiful thing to look off at.

The dream ended shortly thereafter. Five days later, I gained a new perspective... through Sarah's eyes.

My first visit to the SRF Gardens

A week after the dream, I went to the Self-Realization gardens in Encinitas by recommendation of my roomie at the time. She knew I'd be into it. If you haven't been it's worth a trip because it will knock your socks off! So beautiful, serene, and magical.

I knew something was up the moment I arrived. I got this tingling sensation in my legs. My first stop was at the top of the stairs where you are standing on a path that divides left and right. I went right. It was mid-March and the plants were blooming and looking oh-so-happy.

There's a sandy pathway that opens to vista overlooking swami beach and the ocean. There were surfers wearing black wetsuits. So I'm on a cliff, there's the ocean and the surfers that look like little ants. So where's my fish? I kept looking around expectantly, but knew it was dumb to think that a giant monster-fish would appear from the depths of the sea.

It was just a dream. It was just a dream. I repeated this mantra for a little while, but something inside urged me not to give up so quickly.

After a walk back in the opposite direction I came across a small pond with a bubbling spring in the center. There, amongst the lily pads were three koi fish. One was dark orange, another I think was white, red and black. The third was the biggest and brightest. He was golden-yellow. The exact color of the fish in my dream. His scales were huge and very defined.

                                                                         Oh there's my fish!

I knew in that exact moment that I had experienced something very special. I read Yogananda's Autobiography of a Yogi, and frequented the gardens whenever I could. It wasn't until three years later that I committed to my first retreat at the center.

Golden Fish Dream

Yet another beautiful day in San Diego. Called my sister from Coronado beach yesterday to rub it in... she lives in New York and it's been a crappy, cold weekend. Sorry LJ!

Today my lovely friend modeled the sumi-T (I word I made up that's short for sumi-e T-shirt) I painted for the student exhibition we had this weekend. It's a white shirt with blue waves that look like clouds and a large, golden coy fish jumping upwards. The design was inspired from a dream I had three years ago.

I was standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was around sunset. There were surfers out in the water. They looked small, like little ants from where I was standing. Suddenly, someone started yelling "SHARK! SHARK!" I could see a large fin come up. My heart started pounding, and I knew there was nothing I could do.

Instead of a shark, a big fish appeared. It opened its mouth wide and gobbled up some of the surfers. It went back below and then its back came to the surface. The rest of the surfers were caught in between its giant golden yellow scales. I was in awe. It was terrifying and exciting at the same time.

The fish leapt straight into the air and did a big spin at the top. It turned around and then dove into the water with such force and that it created a massive vortex. I went to a friends house to turn on the TV and see what the news was reporting. They said that there was a hurricane off the coast of San Diego. All of us who witnessed it knew there was something very powerful and important going on, and that the media was trying to cover it up.

This wasn't an ordinary dream, but it wasn't until a week later that I knew for sure.

What Miracles May Come

Tonight is round 2 of Shaman Meditation. Hope it's as good as the last infusion. My week has been quite interesting with a tour of the Pacific College of Oriental Medicine (may attend this fall), a lovely PartyLite party (redundant? Sure, but that's what it was) thrown by a neighbor of mine, and meeting a fabulous man in Target who color-matched my blotchy skin for me!

Miracles abound for sure. Don't think so? I made my first Sumi-e T-shirt that 's going in our student fashion show this weekend in Balboa Park. My mom thought it was so great she wants to wear it in public. Thanks mom ;o) I told her she can tell people that her 'kid' made it and neglect to metion that her kid is 28-years-old.

Oh and did I mention my the mediterranian cruise I just booked with my sister and friends this week!? !

Yes! What started as a plan for Greece in 2010 after an increadible trip to Seattle and Vancouver back '07... suddenly turned into a 12 day cruise starting in Venice and touring other cities in Italy, Greece, Turkey, and ending in Barcelona, Spain. Luckily, I have a good friend in Turkey who may be able to meet up with us in Istanbul. Fingers totally crossed to the max!

Jammin caterpillars

The morning after the meditation, I went for a hike with another friend. Note: He was not present at the meditation. I didn’t tell him a thing about it because he already gets on me for being such a hippie. Anywho, he told me not to bring my normal stuff... vest, snacks, you name it.

I have the habit of bringing everything including the kitchen sink. On top of that, I'll stop and ask if anyone needs water, a food, whatever. I've been told several times from more than one person that I'm like a Jewish Grandma in that respect. (That and I love my coupons, but that might be the Danish in me)

One thing I did take with me was Sarah's glasses. We hiked 5 miles in Mission Trails and it was the most beautiful Saturday afternoon you could ever dream of. Clear sky, slight breeze, and tons of birds chirping and butterflies fluttering about.

On the way there several caterpillars came jamming across the blacktop. They were scooting along so fast you’d think it was going out of style. One of them got turned ‘round and so I grabbed a leaf, picked him up, and put him in the bushes. My friend admonished me.

McLovin! (His nickname for me.) What are you doing!?

I explained that I was saving this poor fuzzy bug from being trampled on.

Birds gotta eat too! Just think about the little babbies back in the nest. They'll go hungry if they don't get that fat little caterpillar. Let’s keep movin’.

Little statement… big impact. Keeping in mind the lesson I had learned the night before, I was more aware of my behavior that day. Maybe a disoriented catterpilar would make a better lunch than butterfly. I could just see him flipping about aimlessly and ending up as a spider's lunch instead.

The other caterpillars were left alone, the large snake in the road wasn't even a temptation to mess with (nor would it ever be), and even though I was getting thirsty... my friend loveling dumped OUT the rest of the water bottle so it wouldn't be sloshing around as we ran the last legs back to the car. Damn... no excuses to stop and take a break.

We later witnessed over-responsibility in action. A hiker had injured themselves up on the hill. The San Diego rescue committee sent a helicopter, 3 fire engines, a cop or two, and of course, the rangers. I thought this person must have suffered a serious trauma. Not the case. The Sunday paper reported that the hiker had merely broken their ankle.

In my own way, if there's a friend in need, I do similar things: stop what I'm doing, dash to the nearest telephone booth, put on my Super-woman cape, rush to their aid carrying a first aid kit, chocolate, a rom-com, bottle of wine, kleenex, and Thai take-out. Turns out all they needed was someone to vent to over the phone about their crummy day, stupid boyfriend, over-protective parents, and their ill-mannered boss who has no bloody clue how to do business.

Next time, I'll leave the copter and cape at home.

Robber of Responsiblity

Last Friday my friend had a meditation at her house. It was led by a friend of hers who is a Shaman. I don't know exactly how you become a Shaman, but I read a book about it once. It said that it's usually passed down through the family, and in other cases, the spirits seek you out. Wonder what that would be like? Kinda freaky I'm sure.

Maybe they're kind spirits with little Brit accents that say "Oh, ahem... pardon me little human, but we were wondering if we spirits might impose upon you for just a moment and inform you of the fact that you have a deep connection to our realm and perhaps you might want to consider being a Shaman. Just throwing that out there. Ok give us a buzz when you wanna pop 'round. Toodles!"

To each of the individuals participating in the meditation, he gave us a bit of take home advice. Here's what he said to me:

"You feel responsible for others and have a habit of taking that on. Remember that they have their own issues and lessons to learn, and by assuming their responsibility, you rob them of learning these lessons."

Wow! Never knew I was such a robber. The Shaman told us all to keep an eye out for changes that occur in the next week. It really lifted a weight from my shoulders. All this time I thought this was my purpose in life. I'm so glad that it's not. I'm happy that people can fight their own fights and that their meant to. Yes we can help each other, and that's a part of the beauty of life. But the most important point is to remember own responsibility to ourselves.

As one of the sweetest and most childlike Yogi's in the film documentary, 'Enlighten Up', once said:

You are the most important person under the sun! Or to use my word...you are the most 'important-est' person under the sun!

Namaste!

Words from Sarah

I signed up for a writing class, and I was oh so ready. I printed out excerpts of my writing called ‘Skittles’. Their short stories that I do to keep the writer in me in flow. I also brought the beginning of ‘Through Sarah’s Eyes’ and her famous glasses. To my dismay, when I arrived in the downtown loft, it was closed.. There was an e-mail that read ‘Class cancelled due to low registration.’

Dang it! I really wanted to take this class. I would have pulled in someone off the street and paid for them if it meant I could take it. It crossed my mind to call AJ. Thank God she picked up! She was doing laundry and getting ready for her work week. She graciously invited me over and said she wanted to hear my writing.

When I got there, I sat down at a table near the kitchen and we checked it. It wasn’t moments before she was asking to hear what I had brought. I shook. My voice wavered and I didn’t know to do. I thought we’d shoot the shit a little longer than that. Wow, ok let’s jet to the point! Then entire way over to her house I was debating sharing the story on Sarah. Was it appropriate, would she be ok with it, is it too soon? I also knew that I couldn’t continue like this unless I had her blessing and Sarah’s for that matter. I needed some sort of confirmation.

Flustered, I sorted through my papers and put ‘Through Sarah’s Eyes’ at the bottom. I read each of my ‘Skittles’ aloud. She laughed, gasped, commented, nodded, and mhmmed. That was all very reassuring. AJ mentioned that she’d like to write, but it was difficult for her because she became over critical at times. Like, where does the comma go? Does that need a period or can I go on? I told her that it’s best to write like no one is reading. (Similar to dance like no one is watching… I suppose) Ok I was getting comfortable now and growing more at ease. That was until I reached the last page.

I realized at that moment she may have seen the title already and it was too late to turn back. There was also a sense of ‘meant to be’. Ok people, I don’t like saying it out loud or writing it because it reveals the hippie in me, but yes, for the record, I do believe that some things are meant to be.

So there I was, about to bear my soul again, but this time it was personal to her as well. The last thing I wanted to do was make her cry. She did, but happily, they were tears of joy. I read the excerpt from the walk in Balboa Park. AJ nodded in parts, laughed in others, and there were tears throughout. Before I read the piece, I told her what it was about and why I chose this topic. Now that I look back, I don’t think I really chose it. Perhaps it was simply meant to be. I’d also like to think that Sarah wanted this. One thing I’d really like is to get to know her a little better.

Without giving everything away about her, since that is part of the experience of writing this story, AJ asked if I would like to hear her last facebook post. I was tentative, but I wanted to know something more about her. Who she was, what she thought, just a little peak into her life. Yes, ok, yes I would love to hear what she wrote.

I got comfortable on the floor while AJ quickly pulled up the page and began to read.

“By the way,” she said “Sarah spells her name with an ‘H’. She was very adamant about her name and wanted people to know ‘that’s Sarah… with an ‘H’!”

Oh good, I got it right. At first when I went to write, I tried all the different spellings I could come up with: Sara, Serra, Sera, Sarah. Sarah, with an ‘H’, was my intuitive guess, but then I liked the other spellings and went with Sara (sans H). At last, I knew it wasn’t meant to be, and I had to go with Sarah (with the H) because… well it is her name, and I somehow just knew it.

Without further ado… here is Sarah’s final facebook post:

We are never all that we can be, only the hope of emulating the person we think we are in the inside. And yet everyday, we live and breathe, and we form relationships with others that are mirrors to our souls. Some people bring out in us the qualities that we cherish in ourselves and in others: kindness, love, patience, generosity, honesty, joy. Other people mirror things we do not necessarily want to see… and yet all of it is true… we are one in our lightness and in our darkness.


So, when I say “I love you” I am loving the part of me that resonates with you… the hope of who I am in your eyes.

The other lessons are not as enjoyable…the experiences that we have with people that reveal our weaknesses, our insecurities and faults. And yet, these are the people that help me to love myself even more, in my brokenness and imperfections.

Today, I am humbled by the people that I have the privilege of knowing, all in different ways, on different levels.


To be continued....