Peace Out

My buddy Marissa is leavening for the Peace Corps in T - one week. She and I have been friends for nearly 8 years and it's like loosing a sister, a soul sister. I feel momentum building up like a pressure cooker. There are so many things that she's experiencing emotionally all at one time. Saying goodbye, tying up loose ends, selling her car, giving away clothing and non-essentials.

I think of all the things she has to let go of, and mirror that to my own life. What can I let go of? What's been holding me back and loading me down? Change is coming, whether we like it or not, but being light and divesting ourselves of those heavy feelings and things can make the transition a little less painful.

Last night, I held a party in her honor. It felt good to gather with all of our friends, have a big buffet, and share our mutual pain of missing a beloved friend while celebrating her at the same time. She and Star came over early to work on the decor, but around 3:30 I got a call from my Grandma that sent me into a tailspin.

She was violently ill. I dropped everything and rushed to her appartment. Nothing would stay down and her body shook with every breath. It lasted for nearly 45 minutes, and that was only when I was there. It must have stated at least a half hour prior. She's 90 and I know that my time with her is limited. When I got home I had dishes to wash, crepes to cook, and a shower to take. I broke down over the sink and allowed myself to let go and do a massive 'ugly cry' (as Oprah would say). I wiped my tears and runny nose and just kept on scrubbing.

After that I tried despirately to compartmentalized the rest of the time I had. People were arriving at 7 and it was now 5:45pm. I told myself - Shower first, then crepes. The best decision I made all evening. By the time I popped out of the bath, an angel had come to my rescue. At first I thought I may have an intruder. As I heard the backyard gate unhinged I waited in my towel, still wet, with heavy breath.

It was my friend who had promised to come over after work. I am so glad your here! I hugged her (more like collapsed on top of her) and kissed her on the cheek. She listened to my predicament while we prioritized the tasks left. She firmly told me to stay seated on the couch and drink some water for a few moments while she worked in the kitchen. Annie, I'm here... just take a breather. She repeated this mantra until I finally sat still and obeyed the wise woman.

She helped cook, clean, and stayed after everyone had left to share a glass of wine and a job well done. She even took me for a walk in the middle of the festivities. She is my angel and there were so many other friend angels that helped as well. If it wasn't for them, I never would have made it through that night in one piece or without another breakdown over the sink.