Teaching My First Writing Class

Over the summer, I had the joyous experience of teaching my first writing class. There were five girls ages 6-10. We wrote poems, advertisements, stories, and scripts. I shared the story of this blog introduced the class to Sarah and her magical sunglasses.

On the final day of class, they heard Sarah's voice. AJ had loaned me an interview that was recorded on February 23, 2009 while Sarah was in hospice. Her father and step-mother came to visit, and it was a discussion with the 3 of them. The date struck me ~ the very date I started my blog, only one year later.

We heard Sarah's amazing voice read  'If I Could Live to Be 100'. So powerful from the author herself ~ just the day before I had shared it with them.

The girls immediately responded to Sarah and the idea of the blog. 'So... you take pictures through the glasses.' Honestly, I hadn't really thought of it. I must have looked pretty sheepish when I told them that I never had. No worries! They were all over it. Discussion over... it was time to get to work. They took the glasses and I gave them my phone camera. Outside, on the field, they took pictures through the glasses, of the glasses, and while wearing the glasses but looking outwards. From every different perspective you could think. Looking up, down, out, and beyond my semi-narcissistic approach of me wearing them.

Afterwards, we came inside and they wrote their own individual reflections on life and nature, heaven and earth. They were so deep and introspective. Their words were beyond their years and I just swelled with pride and awe at these 5 young authors. I hope they continue to write and enjoy the written word. I hope that they will take this experience and start their own adventure. I hope that you will too.

'Bucks for Beds'



It's a picture like this that makes me so very happy. This is the fruit of a program called 'Bucks for Beds' initiated by Kids for Peace. In Summer of 2010, a team from this org went to Kenya and stayed at a local orphanage. A lot of the children have come from parents who have passed from AIDS, or were the victims of attacks on their village.

The Fiwagoh Orphanage (www.fiwagoh.org) was started by a gentleman, Benson, who was an orphan himself. He and his wife wanted to give back to the community and provide a chance for change Kenya. The Kids for Peace team was surprised to see so many children sharing chores, playing, and learning in a thriving environment yet lacked a place to sleep. I met Benson and a beautiful, powerful orphan nicknamed Chief . They flew all the way to San Diego and taught us of the inherent importance of giving and receiving.

With one hand I get and with the other I give. Chief told and showed us by gently slapping each hand with the other. That was it ~ pure flow.

My money was collected around September of last year and now I get to see the kiddos looking happy and rested. To date: 100 orphans have a place to rest their heads.

Sweet dreams~~~

The Love of Writing

(Taken from my journal entry on June 11, 2011 @ 10:52pm)

Today I was thinking about anxiety and my constant association with it. I find decisions to be difficult and constantly afraid that I’ll make the ‘wrong’ one. Whatever wrong really means. I’ve been waking up at night in a state of panic that I made a wrong move or it’s too late to change the course of my life. Like I’ve somehow missed an extremely important opportunity. I don’t know where it’s coming from, and I’m completely exhausted with it.

Yesterday I went to LA to see Amma, the hugging Saint. She blessed me. Seeing her makes me happy. Writing makes me very happy. I enjoy typing and watching the words appear. Sometimes when I write a story it makes my inner world appear. The manifestation on paper…. Writing is magical. I’ve never thought of it that way before.

Writing has been something that I’ve done, but not pursued as a career. I’m afraid of it because it’s the one thing that I love so much that if it were not to work out, it would devastate me. If it did work out, then I would be undeservedly happy. After writing that, it makes me laugh. There it is… the fear of freedom. Writing sets me free. I know writing would completely set me free. I know it would take me to where I want to go. I know this so deep within my heart that it’s difficult to accept. Like the love of your life.

Writing the blog has been such a good and therapeutic element in my life, but it still gives me pause. I’ll take breaks and not write for a while, I’ll neglect it. The writing is powerful because often it comes from somewhere that’s not even me. I know it’s not because when I read it back again it feels otherworldly. There are things that I’ve written that came true that wasn’t even possible that I could know at that time. It’s a channel. It’s a channel that I am intimidated by. That I become scared of and love at the same time. It’s my connection to God. It’s meditation, peace, love, introspection…. My pure happiness. I worry that this love is all consuming. That there would be nothing left. I would just be totally engulfed by it.

As it stands, I can’t hold myself back anymore. The need is so great to write. The need for freedom is so great. Liberation, total and complete. I’m afraid that having a lover would imprison me and liberate me. I’m afraid of both you know. As most people are… that’s why we stay and remain in limbo. We’re afraid of moving forward, edging closer to reality and truth. Feel like throwing up. I wish I didn’t take myself so seriously. I wish I could just laugh and laugh at my situation. How could I be so silly. Nothing bad could happen to me. My true nature is with God always… ever new joy. And what happens when we are satisfied beyond our wildest dreams? What happens when we reach the unreachable, obtain the unobtainable, become the unfathomable? Penetrate the impenetrable? It’s just my questions. You’ll know when you get there is the answer.

Out of the nest...

I can't believe it's been a month since my last posting. It feels like almost a year has past since so much has been going on. My sister came into town with her husband and baby-bump. My mom, aunt, cousins, miss Le and I threw her a beautiful shower and made some of the best food on Earth straight out of the Barefoot Contessa cookbook.

Lately, I've been working more as a teacher doing summer school programs and camps. The kids are adorable and I really enjoy getting to know their personalities and what they love to do. One day two of my students gave me roses from their garden. The gift was so perfect and sweet. Talk about melting my heart!

Speaking of ye old corazon, I'm finally getting back on the bandwagon and taking my chances with romance. Couldn't tell you how much I feel like a rusty nail and trying oh-so-hard not to show my insecurities but they are what they are. In any case... I'm sure I'll get the hang of enjoying dinners out and cuddling up on the couch to crack up over such fabulousness like old sesame street martian skits on YouTube. 'Yep-yep-yep-yep...Uh-huh Uh-huh'. Now that's the way to a woman's heart!

At long last ~ my parents finally bit the bullet and kicked me out of the nest to make room from Grandma. I was given this last week to pack up and ship out. Just when I thought I was leaving for Poway to be with my Aunt... AJ contacted me out-of-the-blue with the most fantastic miracle ever. She was moving out of her studio and offered me the space. Not only that, but she was leaving the exact same day I had to be out. Perfect timing! Can't help but think Sarah had something to do with it :)

So here I am now in my new neighborhood of University Heights thinking how amazing it is to be loved.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything, Miss AJ. You're the most magical fairy ever!

Hoo Doos & River Crossing

At the beginning of June, I took one of the most amazing trips to Bryce and Zion with a group of friends. Some I knew from before, others I made along the way. We packed 2 cars to the brim with gear, food, and people and crossed the desert to two of the most beautiful camping destinations I've been to in a long time.

First was Bryce, an extraordinary canyon of Hoo Doos. These are chimney-like formations that are created from erosion caused by melting snow and wind. We hiked the rim on the first day and then the Fairyland Loop. This one actually enters into the canyon itself and you walk amongst the Hoos and the Doos as if you were in a Dr. Seuss landscape.

There are wildlife such as chipmunks, blue jays, and deer. I saw a family of 3 run up the side with precision and caution ~ blending into the background. If they didn't move, you wouldn't know they were there.

Before our next camping destination, we stopped off at a place called Mossy Cave. There was a small cave, of course, but the coolest part of the hike was when some of us chose to cross a skinny log over a rushing river. I remember what I was thinking 'stay in yoga, you're just doing yoga.... just stay in it'.



Sevier River by Mossy Cave ~ photo by Diana Ruiz



The second leg of the trip was Zion, a natural masterpiece. The place had such an amazing energy it took me aback. While my friends took off to do Angel's Landing, I mozied at my own pace along the Virgin River and then up to the Emerald Pools. The first part of the trek I sat next to the river and let my soul rest in awe of the mountain peaks and sunlight drifting down between them like a magnificent cathedral.

I couldn't believe that in my own life... that God would care so deeply for my individual life just as he would this place. It was so large, and I am so small. To take the time to carve each rock with rainfall and wind while sustaining all kinds of plant life and animals. I am a creature here on this Earth, and I am loved just as an individual as this planet is as a whole.

Ok... so I cried. Beauty took hold of me and then my sunscreen got into my eyes and it made me cry even more... ah silly emotional stuffs.

And that's what I loved about the trip! It stripped me down a little so I could let the beauty in and cross over a rushing river while maintaining my balance.

When hope dies...

Have you ever hoped so high to the sky that when it doesn't happen.... it was the hope that died inside of you that hurt the most.

When my hope dies, it burns. It's like a Phoenix... it must die so that it is reborn anew from the ashes. Sometimes I can feel the walls tumbling and crashing down, I get angry, moody, and I cry. I often say mean things to myself , "You're so silly to believe in something so strongly. Why would you set yourself up for failure like that? Just wide open for disappointment."

I can't do this to myself right now. It hurts to much. Hurt on top of hurt. Too much hurt. I read this quote today: If Plan A didn't work out, don't worry... God has plenty of Plan Bs. I'll take a B right about now, if you please.

I love to hope, it's one of my favorite pastimes. The perpetual optimist... that's me! Oy... I can just feel the self-pity kick in. That's only good for so long, then it takes its tole. Medicine, that's what this calls for. Not the pill form, but the kind that comes from knowing yourself and your own strength. Not matter what happens, no matter how hard you get knocked down, there's always another way. There's always something better and had this particular thing happened, you wouldn't be able to receive it.

There's the birth right there. Here's to hoping :)

Party for Peace

Last week I was up in Encinitas for some meetings. I've been working on the Kids for Peace 5 Year Anniversary Celebration for the last few months with my fellow board members and we're less than 2 weeks away. We've been talking about it, planning, compromising, voting, designing, marketing, asking for donations, making baskets, and creating art for this one special night.

Pause for Peace Party Promo :)
http://www.kidsforpeaceglobal.org/5anniversary.html

As the Event Chair, I have quite a load of responsibility. There have been nights of complete anxiety, and others that are almost blissful. As I'm coming to these final days, I can feel myself losing steam. At one point, I told my mom 'I can't wait until this is all over'. My mom is an amazing event planner, decorator, and all purpose Martha Stewart. She agreed that yes, she has felt that way many times and it's a mistake. 'I often find myself looking to the day after for relief... and forgetting to enjoy all of the moments leading up to it, including the night itself.' 

What sage advice. Mothers simply have that way, don't they? They completely understand, and then lovingly show you the error of your ways...

In that moment, I relaxed. That was over a month ago, and now I'm find myself looking once again to the day after. If it's relief I need, I can find it in knowing I have 11 days and 18.5 hours left ~ OR I can choose to enjoy every single day as a heartbeat closer to this beautiful event that will help plant seeds of peace within my hometown of San Diego. It is my hope that one day soon ~ they will carry across the globe to those other Kids for Peace waiting for a chapter to be born in their hometown.

Luckily... Encitinitas is one of my favorite places in San Diego. Before my meetings, I walked the Self-Realization Gardens for clarity and after my duties were done I watched the sunset at the J Street overlook (one of the best hideouts ever). It reminds when I feel anxious and controlling to realize that some things naturally take their own time. I reasure myself that you can't rush a sunset.

Here is the video I took to share with you.

'And now ~ for your moment of zen...'