When hope dies...

Have you ever hoped so high to the sky that when it doesn't happen.... it was the hope that died inside of you that hurt the most.

When my hope dies, it burns. It's like a Phoenix... it must die so that it is reborn anew from the ashes. Sometimes I can feel the walls tumbling and crashing down, I get angry, moody, and I cry. I often say mean things to myself , "You're so silly to believe in something so strongly. Why would you set yourself up for failure like that? Just wide open for disappointment."

I can't do this to myself right now. It hurts to much. Hurt on top of hurt. Too much hurt. I read this quote today: If Plan A didn't work out, don't worry... God has plenty of Plan Bs. I'll take a B right about now, if you please.

I love to hope, it's one of my favorite pastimes. The perpetual optimist... that's me! Oy... I can just feel the self-pity kick in. That's only good for so long, then it takes its tole. Medicine, that's what this calls for. Not the pill form, but the kind that comes from knowing yourself and your own strength. Not matter what happens, no matter how hard you get knocked down, there's always another way. There's always something better and had this particular thing happened, you wouldn't be able to receive it.

There's the birth right there. Here's to hoping :)

Party for Peace

Last week I was up in Encinitas for some meetings. I've been working on the Kids for Peace 5 Year Anniversary Celebration for the last few months with my fellow board members and we're less than 2 weeks away. We've been talking about it, planning, compromising, voting, designing, marketing, asking for donations, making baskets, and creating art for this one special night.

Pause for Peace Party Promo :)
http://www.kidsforpeaceglobal.org/5anniversary.html

As the Event Chair, I have quite a load of responsibility. There have been nights of complete anxiety, and others that are almost blissful. As I'm coming to these final days, I can feel myself losing steam. At one point, I told my mom 'I can't wait until this is all over'. My mom is an amazing event planner, decorator, and all purpose Martha Stewart. She agreed that yes, she has felt that way many times and it's a mistake. 'I often find myself looking to the day after for relief... and forgetting to enjoy all of the moments leading up to it, including the night itself.' 

What sage advice. Mothers simply have that way, don't they? They completely understand, and then lovingly show you the error of your ways...

In that moment, I relaxed. That was over a month ago, and now I'm find myself looking once again to the day after. If it's relief I need, I can find it in knowing I have 11 days and 18.5 hours left ~ OR I can choose to enjoy every single day as a heartbeat closer to this beautiful event that will help plant seeds of peace within my hometown of San Diego. It is my hope that one day soon ~ they will carry across the globe to those other Kids for Peace waiting for a chapter to be born in their hometown.

Luckily... Encitinitas is one of my favorite places in San Diego. Before my meetings, I walked the Self-Realization Gardens for clarity and after my duties were done I watched the sunset at the J Street overlook (one of the best hideouts ever). It reminds when I feel anxious and controlling to realize that some things naturally take their own time. I reasure myself that you can't rush a sunset.

Here is the video I took to share with you.

'And now ~ for your moment of zen...'