The Doughnuts are Gone!

Since I'm riding off my parent's wi-fi ... I figured now would be a good time to get in a few posts (and since granny is taking a nap). Today for my free-time I got in a pedicure, savored a beautiful salmon and caper crepe with creme fraiche (aka creme muy deliciouso) at a sweet little french cafe less than a block away from where I treated my feet. I sat and read a Parisian Patisserie book complete with color pictures of the heavenly morsels and the specialty cafes where you can purchase such decadence. The pastry counter looked like jewelry cases. Each bon bon and tarte exquisitely displayed like the sparkling gem that it is.

I thought that might be the topic for my next blog: French Pastries Dissected. Alas, who gives a crap how to make these things when you can simply buy and enjoy them in the heat of passionate instant gratification!? Am I right? Anywho... yesterdays jaunt to the yoga studio gave me renewed energy ~ enough to brave post-holiday shopping at Target to buy myself a miniature Buddha tabletop fountain. I had just been reading about Feng Shui and how a fountain is an excellent addition to a well-balanced space. That and removing all family, friends, or former-lover photos (napes there) from the bedroom. This will make room for a relationship and thus not intimidate your 'guest' in such quarters. Uh-oh! I knew there had been something I'd been doing wrong!

So to prove Feng Shui to be as powerful as it claims... I moved the photos yesterday and just this afternoon I was asked out to lunch on Friday. Sha-Boinga!!!!! Sorry mi familia, you're faces are in the hallway and that is where you shall stay.

Back in the homestead, Grams and I have been doing well. We've only argued a few times... all pertaining to the number of doughnuts or cookies left. She thinks I'm stealing her stash. All this time forgetting how many she herself has consumed. I only ate one, so how come there's only one left when I KNOW there was four to begin with. If I even start to go over it, she'll cut me off at the pass. You just can't win!

Well folks... Granny woke up, and is talking about cleaning a spot on the carpet that's been there for over a month. So I offer some wine and turned on Anderson Cooper. Since the doughnuts are gone, I'm gonna have to find another diversion. Wish me luck!

Say Listen

So the parents are off to New York visiting my nephew. In case you didn't hear the champagne pop from across the park, my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on November 13th. His name is Neil, and in this picture he's sporting a Sumi-Onesie by Auntie Annie. 

It's been a little over a month and 'the dust is finally starting to settle' (direct quote from my mom's hilarious Christmas letter), and I'm hanging with grandma for the week.She doesn't like being alone for very long. That's a little difficult with my current lifestyle since I like to be on the move and free in the evenings. So not gonna work. We had an argument over me going over to the neighbors' house last night for 20min. No, that's not how long we argued for, but it may as well have been. When I got to Ron and Carlo's I scarfed down a beautifully presented poached pear a-la-mode and a glass of port before reporting back to the homestead and watching the end of Pride & Prejudice ~ A&E version (aka the one with Collin Firth) 

This morning, I attempted to race out the door at 9:00 so that I could enjoy my free time while her caretaker is here. Can't race a 92-year-old. Say listen... is the way she begins just about every sentence which always stops me dead in my tracks just as I'm departing her bedroom. Translation: I want you to do something for me or listen to something that has absolutely nothing to do with the present moment.

So I listened, and told I would be running errands about 5-6 times with increasing volume because she wasn't hearing me. I left without my cell phone (oh crap!!!!) and ran back inside hoping to dodge her before she could 'Say listen' me into hanging out for another minute. 

And what did I do with my glorious 4 hours of freedom? I went back to my studio, kissed the carpet, meditated for a good hour (praying to get through this week with calmness and ease), did the dishes, took a walk around the neighborhood, and mailed her Medi-Cal renewal thingy. Tonight I'm making dinner at about 4:30 (5:00 if I can get away with it) and writing her Christmas cards (better late than never and because I refused to do it on my birthday). And so the adventures with grandma have begun ~ 

Say listen.. I wish you merry Christmas, happy holidays, and a joyful New Year.

Teaching My First Writing Class

Over the summer, I had the joyous experience of teaching my first writing class. There were five girls ages 6-10. We wrote poems, advertisements, stories, and scripts. I shared the story of this blog introduced the class to Sarah and her magical sunglasses.

On the final day of class, they heard Sarah's voice. AJ had loaned me an interview that was recorded on February 23, 2009 while Sarah was in hospice. Her father and step-mother came to visit, and it was a discussion with the 3 of them. The date struck me ~ the very date I started my blog, only one year later.

We heard Sarah's amazing voice read  'If I Could Live to Be 100'. So powerful from the author herself ~ just the day before I had shared it with them.

The girls immediately responded to Sarah and the idea of the blog. 'So... you take pictures through the glasses.' Honestly, I hadn't really thought of it. I must have looked pretty sheepish when I told them that I never had. No worries! They were all over it. Discussion over... it was time to get to work. They took the glasses and I gave them my phone camera. Outside, on the field, they took pictures through the glasses, of the glasses, and while wearing the glasses but looking outwards. From every different perspective you could think. Looking up, down, out, and beyond my semi-narcissistic approach of me wearing them.

Afterwards, we came inside and they wrote their own individual reflections on life and nature, heaven and earth. They were so deep and introspective. Their words were beyond their years and I just swelled with pride and awe at these 5 young authors. I hope they continue to write and enjoy the written word. I hope that they will take this experience and start their own adventure. I hope that you will too.

'Bucks for Beds'



It's a picture like this that makes me so very happy. This is the fruit of a program called 'Bucks for Beds' initiated by Kids for Peace. In Summer of 2010, a team from this org went to Kenya and stayed at a local orphanage. A lot of the children have come from parents who have passed from AIDS, or were the victims of attacks on their village.

The Fiwagoh Orphanage (www.fiwagoh.org) was started by a gentleman, Benson, who was an orphan himself. He and his wife wanted to give back to the community and provide a chance for change Kenya. The Kids for Peace team was surprised to see so many children sharing chores, playing, and learning in a thriving environment yet lacked a place to sleep. I met Benson and a beautiful, powerful orphan nicknamed Chief . They flew all the way to San Diego and taught us of the inherent importance of giving and receiving.

With one hand I get and with the other I give. Chief told and showed us by gently slapping each hand with the other. That was it ~ pure flow.

My money was collected around September of last year and now I get to see the kiddos looking happy and rested. To date: 100 orphans have a place to rest their heads.

Sweet dreams~~~

The Love of Writing

(Taken from my journal entry on June 11, 2011 @ 10:52pm)

Today I was thinking about anxiety and my constant association with it. I find decisions to be difficult and constantly afraid that I’ll make the ‘wrong’ one. Whatever wrong really means. I’ve been waking up at night in a state of panic that I made a wrong move or it’s too late to change the course of my life. Like I’ve somehow missed an extremely important opportunity. I don’t know where it’s coming from, and I’m completely exhausted with it.

Yesterday I went to LA to see Amma, the hugging Saint. She blessed me. Seeing her makes me happy. Writing makes me very happy. I enjoy typing and watching the words appear. Sometimes when I write a story it makes my inner world appear. The manifestation on paper…. Writing is magical. I’ve never thought of it that way before.

Writing has been something that I’ve done, but not pursued as a career. I’m afraid of it because it’s the one thing that I love so much that if it were not to work out, it would devastate me. If it did work out, then I would be undeservedly happy. After writing that, it makes me laugh. There it is… the fear of freedom. Writing sets me free. I know writing would completely set me free. I know it would take me to where I want to go. I know this so deep within my heart that it’s difficult to accept. Like the love of your life.

Writing the blog has been such a good and therapeutic element in my life, but it still gives me pause. I’ll take breaks and not write for a while, I’ll neglect it. The writing is powerful because often it comes from somewhere that’s not even me. I know it’s not because when I read it back again it feels otherworldly. There are things that I’ve written that came true that wasn’t even possible that I could know at that time. It’s a channel. It’s a channel that I am intimidated by. That I become scared of and love at the same time. It’s my connection to God. It’s meditation, peace, love, introspection…. My pure happiness. I worry that this love is all consuming. That there would be nothing left. I would just be totally engulfed by it.

As it stands, I can’t hold myself back anymore. The need is so great to write. The need for freedom is so great. Liberation, total and complete. I’m afraid that having a lover would imprison me and liberate me. I’m afraid of both you know. As most people are… that’s why we stay and remain in limbo. We’re afraid of moving forward, edging closer to reality and truth. Feel like throwing up. I wish I didn’t take myself so seriously. I wish I could just laugh and laugh at my situation. How could I be so silly. Nothing bad could happen to me. My true nature is with God always… ever new joy. And what happens when we are satisfied beyond our wildest dreams? What happens when we reach the unreachable, obtain the unobtainable, become the unfathomable? Penetrate the impenetrable? It’s just my questions. You’ll know when you get there is the answer.

Out of the nest...

I can't believe it's been a month since my last posting. It feels like almost a year has past since so much has been going on. My sister came into town with her husband and baby-bump. My mom, aunt, cousins, miss Le and I threw her a beautiful shower and made some of the best food on Earth straight out of the Barefoot Contessa cookbook.

Lately, I've been working more as a teacher doing summer school programs and camps. The kids are adorable and I really enjoy getting to know their personalities and what they love to do. One day two of my students gave me roses from their garden. The gift was so perfect and sweet. Talk about melting my heart!

Speaking of ye old corazon, I'm finally getting back on the bandwagon and taking my chances with romance. Couldn't tell you how much I feel like a rusty nail and trying oh-so-hard not to show my insecurities but they are what they are. In any case... I'm sure I'll get the hang of enjoying dinners out and cuddling up on the couch to crack up over such fabulousness like old sesame street martian skits on YouTube. 'Yep-yep-yep-yep...Uh-huh Uh-huh'. Now that's the way to a woman's heart!

At long last ~ my parents finally bit the bullet and kicked me out of the nest to make room from Grandma. I was given this last week to pack up and ship out. Just when I thought I was leaving for Poway to be with my Aunt... AJ contacted me out-of-the-blue with the most fantastic miracle ever. She was moving out of her studio and offered me the space. Not only that, but she was leaving the exact same day I had to be out. Perfect timing! Can't help but think Sarah had something to do with it :)

So here I am now in my new neighborhood of University Heights thinking how amazing it is to be loved.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything, Miss AJ. You're the most magical fairy ever!

Hoo Doos & River Crossing

At the beginning of June, I took one of the most amazing trips to Bryce and Zion with a group of friends. Some I knew from before, others I made along the way. We packed 2 cars to the brim with gear, food, and people and crossed the desert to two of the most beautiful camping destinations I've been to in a long time.

First was Bryce, an extraordinary canyon of Hoo Doos. These are chimney-like formations that are created from erosion caused by melting snow and wind. We hiked the rim on the first day and then the Fairyland Loop. This one actually enters into the canyon itself and you walk amongst the Hoos and the Doos as if you were in a Dr. Seuss landscape.

There are wildlife such as chipmunks, blue jays, and deer. I saw a family of 3 run up the side with precision and caution ~ blending into the background. If they didn't move, you wouldn't know they were there.

Before our next camping destination, we stopped off at a place called Mossy Cave. There was a small cave, of course, but the coolest part of the hike was when some of us chose to cross a skinny log over a rushing river. I remember what I was thinking 'stay in yoga, you're just doing yoga.... just stay in it'.



Sevier River by Mossy Cave ~ photo by Diana Ruiz



The second leg of the trip was Zion, a natural masterpiece. The place had such an amazing energy it took me aback. While my friends took off to do Angel's Landing, I mozied at my own pace along the Virgin River and then up to the Emerald Pools. The first part of the trek I sat next to the river and let my soul rest in awe of the mountain peaks and sunlight drifting down between them like a magnificent cathedral.

I couldn't believe that in my own life... that God would care so deeply for my individual life just as he would this place. It was so large, and I am so small. To take the time to carve each rock with rainfall and wind while sustaining all kinds of plant life and animals. I am a creature here on this Earth, and I am loved just as an individual as this planet is as a whole.

Ok... so I cried. Beauty took hold of me and then my sunscreen got into my eyes and it made me cry even more... ah silly emotional stuffs.

And that's what I loved about the trip! It stripped me down a little so I could let the beauty in and cross over a rushing river while maintaining my balance.