Six months and no posts. I feel like a neglectful mother. In many ways, I was holding on for the 'right moment' to end the blog... alas there is no 'right' or 'wrong'... there's only a 'write moment'. So here is the write moment to sit, type, let go, and say goodbye.

I lost the glasses in June ~ most likely when I went to LA to see Amma, the Hugging Saint. Feeling blessed can leave you also feeling quite spacey. The glasses, the case, everything gone.

Through a few other similar experiences I felt there was a lesson coming through. It had to do with material objects and symbols. Once their meaning is absorbed, there's no longer a need for the external thing. To me, Sarah-Vision means seeing things in the now; being open the the magic that is all around and within us.

Yesterday, I was struggling with letting go. A friend told me the was told that the easiest way to do so is to think of things (even memories) not as 'mine' but as ours... something shared. So this is our blog ~ Sarah's, yours, and mine ~ and I thank you for reading allowing me to share.

I needed to write this blog ~ to practice sharing my inner thoughts with others. Doing this telepathic experiment. That's what Steven King calls it when he writes and others read his words ~~~ 'telepathy'. I think that's such an interesting perspective.

Without speaking we transfer information - thoughts. Even when someone passes on, we still have their words on paper, e-mails, memories, and we can connect instantaneously. Mind to mind. Consciousness to consciousness. Dream to dream. It's amazing!

And when I'm no longer here physically, someone can read this little blog and connect with me... just like I did through Sarah's eyes.

As for sunglasses ~ actually bought a pair in LA ~ at Target ~
                                                                                             and that's another story ;)

Oh sweet blog! How I have missed thee. For the last few months, the changes have continued. I've neglected this blog for the Holidays and just the felling that Winter is well... WINTER. I hibernate folks. Still in my bear cave, but I feel compelled to defrost some areas of my life. No snickering please.

So... to your left is a picture of my friend, Anurag, during his visit to sunny San Diego by way of NYC. We bonded during the UNESCO Leadership Program. There we discovered that we are part of the same religious organization, and the list of 'in commons' goes on and on. I'm glad he was out-of-harms way during the mega-storm. How silly I feel writing 'MEGA STORM!' I did it just for the feeling.

Per the last post, things have gone in a different direction. I found a part-time job working as an children's art teacher for a small studio. Basically... I play with clay. It's fun and I'm certainly learning new skills and the IMPORTANCE of slip-and-score. It cannot be overstated for is the very glue of ceramics.

Speaking of glue. I'm gluing together my gifts as a writer, teacher, and healing. My vision for this year is to express these talents in various ways throughout the week. Creating a lovely schedule that fits my personality and abilities. Gently placing it out there - like a magician placing a handkerchief over the object she wishes to transform.

And... speaking of MAGIC! The Golden Fish, my lovely and amazing children's book is on the brink of completion. Yes, I am announcing here first. They will be $20 - signed limited editions. Limited meaning few... AND they're super special and infused with love.

If you wish to reserve a copy, please e-mail me or respond to this posting.

Love and magic to you my friends! Happy 2013, may it bring you all that you wish and more. 

Breaking Free

Well friends, it's Fall. In San Diego, the seasons aren't so drastic or visible in the weather. It is cooler, oh thank the heavens! However, just about everyone I know is going through some sort of major change in their life. There are break-ups, hook-ups, moves, career changes, and more.

In my corner of the universe, I've decided it's time for a change as well. As many of you know for the last I've been taking care of my Grandma. The emotional energy it takes to be there for someone in need is tremendous. I came to ya'll for support, love, to kvetch, or all of the above.  Heck, I even vented on this blog!

I want to thank you for being there. For replenishing me, relieving me from my inner guilt and frustration. Nothing could have given me the power and courage to move forward like my friends. How funny that 'I Want to Break Free' from Queen just came up on my internet radio.

My seat's been taken by
some sunglasses :)

So what will I be doing next? I made friends with a gentleman who runs a software company just up the street from me, and simply asked for a job. Wait... I think I asked for a job and then made friends.So excited that my commute with be 3 minutes by foot. Honestly, it would take longer to get in my car, drive, and re-park.

In other news - I'm Volunteering for Words Alive, an org dedicated to literacy. Also became a member of the Society for Children's Book Writers and Illustrators. I'm almost done with my curriculum to teach a class on Japanese Culture and Crafts. Hope to start that all November/December.

It literally feels like my life is one big collage or puzzle. So many different parts that I want to put together, that it's hard to slow myself down long enough to concentrate. That's one of the biggest beasts in my closet. I don't know if it's just the Sagittarius in me or a mix of ADD and my quirks all in one. When at work, I'm often hyper-focused but when it comes to my life... it's another story.

Whether you're going through a major life change or simply having a change in perspective we're all in this together.

I Was Here

So I'm watching Julie/Julia cause it just so happens to be on TV... what perfect timing to remind me about posting to my oh-so-neglected blog. To give you a poor excuse, I was off like a rocket camping, flying to New York (again), and participating in the UNESCO International Leadership Training at the University of Connecticut.  [UNESCO = United Nations Education Scientific & Cultural Organization]

It all came together like a this. I wanted 3 things that were seemingly mutually exclusive:  spiritual retreat, to see my family, and learn about human rights on a global level. All were happening at the same time. In true Annie fashion ~ I wanted my cake and to eat it too. From reading Eat, Pray, Love the second time, I discovered that Elizabeth Gilbert suffered a similar dilemma. Instead of sacrificing one for the other, she went to followed her stomach, soul, and sex-drive to Italy, India, and Indonesia. 

Inspired, I too fashioned a unique 18-day travel extravaganza. The breakdown is as follows:

3 days of meditation retreat in Julian 

5 days of New York City with sister, brother-in-law and nephew 

10 days of intense leadership training with 65 participants from over 55 countries. 

Check us out! By the way, I'm in the front row, 5th from the right... and sorry whomever I'm blocking with my head. 

It honestly felt like being at the Olympics with the overwhelming amount of cultural diversity (or an average day in Queens, NY~ I'm not being facetious... statistics show that Queens is in fact the most diverse city in the world). 

See all of our fun name tags? On it was our name and country of origin. It was like opening a present every time you met someone. Super fun highlight!!! We took a field-trip the the United Nations headquarters. They wouldn't let us into the General Assembly because Beyonce was practicing her song 'I Was Here' for World Humanitarian Day (AND WE HEARD HER).  

What I didn't expect was the amount of love and camaraderie I felt. They told us we would become family , and well... we did. Guess what?! I had a dream about a reunion and two days later, they're planning one. I've always dreamed of doing something like this, of interacting with people from around the world to do something for the greater good. I dreamed it, and I was here.   

What a Wonderful World.

Summer is almost here. In one week I'll be finishing up aftercare at All Hallows and saying goodbye to the kids.  It's crazy, you never realize how much you love a job until you're about to leave it. I've been so busy planning my future, looking at the next step that I forgot to look at what's right in front of me.

The kids really got under my skin and in my heart. It's hard to describe except... they become like your own. I'm sure many of you have experienced this and know exactly what mean.

It really doesn't help the fact that I'm listening to 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World' by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. (Dang that's a long last name!) Makes me cry every time, and I was already crying. Does that even count? How does this happen? Does my computer sense the emotional state that I'm in and send heart-wrenching songs my way? Yes... it magically does.

Speaking of magic. I'm working on publishing my book, The Golden Fish. It's a true story magic of dreams coming true.

They certainly do. My friends, family, being in San Diego, teaching, my studio (and now I'm back in it!), having a book and a blog... it's all a dream come true. I even have a little daydream about Sarah. That she is watching over me and really diggin' what I write. Like somehow, some way she gets my posts. And when I put the magic sunglasses on, she sees the world through my eyes.

Baby in the City

Over the Spring Break, I met my nephew for the first time. Just a quick flight to New York, and there I was in Auntie-ville. Can't tell you how many times I cried in such a short period of time. Just how emotional can one person be for crying-out-loud.... literally. With an face like this, who can blame me?

Also flying into town, the notorious K-I-R-A. My darling and quite hilarious cousin now hailing from North Carolina. I swear, every time we get together I dang near pee my pants. (Please don't make me recount our adventures at Clothes Time when I had to walk up the hill in wet shorts). When I was little, I used to pack an extra pair of underwear when I spent the night my cousins' house.

We shared diaper-changing duty, bath fun, and passing him back and fourth like a hot-potato for fussy-time right before a nap. Our hearts grew to the size of giant sequoias in an instant just looking at our little fella. He's quite the charmer.

Kira & Annie on the HighLINE

Kira and I ventured to the High Line, a old raised train track turned into a park and promenade. We ate fab food over in the Upper-something side of Manhattan, and dove into Chelsea's Market just hoping for a look into the Food Network Headquarters.

Over the weekend, we got a chance to kidnap momma Lindsey (OMG my sister is a mother! I just realized that means she can officially celebrate Mother's Day). We went to the MET and even ran into a celebrity while we were there. Adam Savage from Myth Busters. For those who watch the show, but don't know which guy he is... he's the one without the handlebar mustache. For Easter we practiced the family tradition of stuffing plastic eggs with candy while Brian, Lindsey's husband, hid them for us inside their Queen's apartment. Normally we do this in a backyard somewhere, but it we'll take an egg hung any way we can get one. And yes... we're still hunting for Easter Eggs in our 30s. Despite the fact that we ate dim sum that morning, we still had room for excessive amounts of chocolate and jellybeans.

Just writing this is making me tear up again with all the pics and missing my 'Sweet Nugget' nephew. Wishing I could somehow fly to Queens just to give him a kiss goodnight. It's all good... big sista momma's coming to San Diego in August. I'm counting down the days. Only 4 months, 1 week, and 2 days left to go.

Two years O'Bloggin

Today marks the second year anniversary of this blog. I didn't realize it until now... almost 11pm. Better late than never. The glasses are currently perched neatly in front of my sweet little made-in-China and distributed by Target - Buddha fountain. Did I put them there, or did my friend, Star, who came to see me this afternoon? Ah the mystery.

It helped remind me about today. I fully realized it when I wrote the date in my journal I was about to write 2007 for the year. Must be uber tired.

I wish I had something impressive to say about my reflections on these two years. There have been so many changes, and new babies and marriages and the like. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit slow in that department. And yet here I am, 30 years old, living a simple life that I'm proud of. No fancy house, or career ~ just the necessities and the beauty that it brings.

Thought of all the things I used to wish for and thought I may well have at age 30: a mansion, an office in a high-rise, a dog and a cat, a husband, maybe a baby on the way.

Being here - I live in a studio, my office is a playground, I'll pet-sit, a date is great, and kids are a distant thought. And I love the now ~ Who woulda thunk it??? Who knows about the future because ' now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness to just be happy.' ~Guillaume Apollinaire

Peace to DC and Beyond! ~ With the link ;)

Hello friends,

Sorry for not including the link before ~ here you go! http://www.stayclassy.org/fundraise?fcid=183052
I cannot tell you how much asking for $$$ scares me, and yet... I'm always fundraising. I think in life it's a good think to face fears head on, or at least look through the peephole first before opening the door.

This entry is dedicated to another person I've never met. Her name is Sierra ~ very similar to Sarah. She's a young girl selected by Kids for Peace to be sponsored to go to Washington DC on the Peace Pledge Tour. I'm helping her personally by setting up a page where people can donate or simply spread the link on their facebook. Simple as that.

Breaking it down ~ If 50 of my friends donated only $10, then we would make the goal and Sierra experience spreading peace in a way that will shape her future and perhaps the future of many others.  

What is the Peace Pledge?
I pledge to use my words to speak in a kind way.
I pledge to help others as I go throughout my day.
I pledge to care for our earth with my healing heart and hands.
I pledge to respect people in each and every land.
I pledge to join together as we unite the big and small.
I pledge to do my part to create peace for one and all.


What is the tour about?
Kids for Peace members from all over the United States will unite to present our Peace Pledge to Congress as well as other important sites throughout DC. The children will present at all the major Memorials, the US Holocaust Museum, the Kenyan Embassy, the Institute of Peace, a homeless shelter and The White House.  An inspirational documentary will be created about the DC Peace Pledge Tour and shared world-wide.


Thank you for spreading the peace!

Annie

The Way of Tea & How to Get a Koi Kiss

So here's my friend, the golden koi in the Japanese Friendship Garden in Balboa Park ~ through Sarah's fancy sunglasses. This isn't the first time I've blogged about this Garden. Last time, I was watching a Tea Ceremony... this year I'm learning how to do one, and I'm totally geeking out over it!

Yes my friends, I am taking a class on how to serve tea. It's actually called 'The Way of Tea'. There are 4 classes total each one is an hour. So far, we've learned how to fold a 'fukusa' or napkin (that only took a half hour and I still don't have it down). I can also bow, receive a cup of tea, and eat a sweet. Don't ask me how to make the tea... I just know there's whisking involved and somehow you use a very thin bamboo rod that looks like a miniature hokey stick in order to transfer your high-grade matcha green tea powder into a ceramic cup without spilling a gram.

Anywho... after the class I got to feed the fishies with a new friend and fellow tea geek. The way of feeding the koi isn't as ceremonial, but I'm sure you could come up with one. Place pellets in hand and close hand. Submerse in water. Let fish approach and suck it out of hand, slowly releasing the food. Fishy kisses :)

The garden is on its way to completing an expansion that will nearly triple area they currently occupy. More paths to meander, more rocks to ponder, and plenty of grafted cherry trees (because we don't have winters cool enough for their liking). So the trunks are actually apple, only the branches are the cherry part. That reminds me of a grafting experiment that my Grandpa did in his backyard. He put together a variety of branches and called it a fruit salad. I'm amazed it worked.

Domo arigato gazaimasu ~

The Doughnuts are Gone!

Since I'm riding off my parent's wi-fi ... I figured now would be a good time to get in a few posts (and since granny is taking a nap). Today for my free-time I got in a pedicure, savored a beautiful salmon and caper crepe with creme fraiche (aka creme muy deliciouso) at a sweet little french cafe less than a block away from where I treated my feet. I sat and read a Parisian Patisserie book complete with color pictures of the heavenly morsels and the specialty cafes where you can purchase such decadence. The pastry counter looked like jewelry cases. Each bon bon and tarte exquisitely displayed like the sparkling gem that it is.

I thought that might be the topic for my next blog: French Pastries Dissected. Alas, who gives a crap how to make these things when you can simply buy and enjoy them in the heat of passionate instant gratification!? Am I right? Anywho... yesterdays jaunt to the yoga studio gave me renewed energy ~ enough to brave post-holiday shopping at Target to buy myself a miniature Buddha tabletop fountain. I had just been reading about Feng Shui and how a fountain is an excellent addition to a well-balanced space. That and removing all family, friends, or former-lover photos (napes there) from the bedroom. This will make room for a relationship and thus not intimidate your 'guest' in such quarters. Uh-oh! I knew there had been something I'd been doing wrong!

So to prove Feng Shui to be as powerful as it claims... I moved the photos yesterday and just this afternoon I was asked out to lunch on Friday. Sha-Boinga!!!!! Sorry mi familia, you're faces are in the hallway and that is where you shall stay.

Back in the homestead, Grams and I have been doing well. We've only argued a few times... all pertaining to the number of doughnuts or cookies left. She thinks I'm stealing her stash. All this time forgetting how many she herself has consumed. I only ate one, so how come there's only one left when I KNOW there was four to begin with. If I even start to go over it, she'll cut me off at the pass. You just can't win!

Well folks... Granny woke up, and is talking about cleaning a spot on the carpet that's been there for over a month. So I offer some wine and turned on Anderson Cooper. Since the doughnuts are gone, I'm gonna have to find another diversion. Wish me luck!

Say Listen

So the parents are off to New York visiting my nephew. In case you didn't hear the champagne pop from across the park, my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on November 13th. His name is Neil, and in this picture he's sporting a Sumi-Onesie by Auntie Annie. 

It's been a little over a month and 'the dust is finally starting to settle' (direct quote from my mom's hilarious Christmas letter), and I'm hanging with grandma for the week.She doesn't like being alone for very long. That's a little difficult with my current lifestyle since I like to be on the move and free in the evenings. So not gonna work. We had an argument over me going over to the neighbors' house last night for 20min. No, that's not how long we argued for, but it may as well have been. When I got to Ron and Carlo's I scarfed down a beautifully presented poached pear a-la-mode and a glass of port before reporting back to the homestead and watching the end of Pride & Prejudice ~ A&E version (aka the one with Collin Firth) 

This morning, I attempted to race out the door at 9:00 so that I could enjoy my free time while her caretaker is here. Can't race a 92-year-old. Say listen... is the way she begins just about every sentence which always stops me dead in my tracks just as I'm departing her bedroom. Translation: I want you to do something for me or listen to something that has absolutely nothing to do with the present moment.

So I listened, and told I would be running errands about 5-6 times with increasing volume because she wasn't hearing me. I left without my cell phone (oh crap!!!!) and ran back inside hoping to dodge her before she could 'Say listen' me into hanging out for another minute. 

And what did I do with my glorious 4 hours of freedom? I went back to my studio, kissed the carpet, meditated for a good hour (praying to get through this week with calmness and ease), did the dishes, took a walk around the neighborhood, and mailed her Medi-Cal renewal thingy. Tonight I'm making dinner at about 4:30 (5:00 if I can get away with it) and writing her Christmas cards (better late than never and because I refused to do it on my birthday). And so the adventures with grandma have begun ~ 

Say listen.. I wish you merry Christmas, happy holidays, and a joyful New Year.

Teaching My First Writing Class

Over the summer, I had the joyous experience of teaching my first writing class. There were five girls ages 6-10. We wrote poems, advertisements, stories, and scripts. I shared the story of this blog introduced the class to Sarah and her magical sunglasses.

On the final day of class, they heard Sarah's voice. AJ had loaned me an interview that was recorded on February 23, 2009 while Sarah was in hospice. Her father and step-mother came to visit, and it was a discussion with the 3 of them. The date struck me ~ the very date I started my blog, only one year later.

We heard Sarah's amazing voice read  'If I Could Live to Be 100'. So powerful from the author herself ~ just the day before I had shared it with them.

The girls immediately responded to Sarah and the idea of the blog. 'So... you take pictures through the glasses.' Honestly, I hadn't really thought of it. I must have looked pretty sheepish when I told them that I never had. No worries! They were all over it. Discussion over... it was time to get to work. They took the glasses and I gave them my phone camera. Outside, on the field, they took pictures through the glasses, of the glasses, and while wearing the glasses but looking outwards. From every different perspective you could think. Looking up, down, out, and beyond my semi-narcissistic approach of me wearing them.

Afterwards, we came inside and they wrote their own individual reflections on life and nature, heaven and earth. They were so deep and introspective. Their words were beyond their years and I just swelled with pride and awe at these 5 young authors. I hope they continue to write and enjoy the written word. I hope that they will take this experience and start their own adventure. I hope that you will too.

'Bucks for Beds'



It's a picture like this that makes me so very happy. This is the fruit of a program called 'Bucks for Beds' initiated by Kids for Peace. In Summer of 2010, a team from this org went to Kenya and stayed at a local orphanage. A lot of the children have come from parents who have passed from AIDS, or were the victims of attacks on their village.

The Fiwagoh Orphanage (www.fiwagoh.org) was started by a gentleman, Benson, who was an orphan himself. He and his wife wanted to give back to the community and provide a chance for change Kenya. The Kids for Peace team was surprised to see so many children sharing chores, playing, and learning in a thriving environment yet lacked a place to sleep. I met Benson and a beautiful, powerful orphan nicknamed Chief . They flew all the way to San Diego and taught us of the inherent importance of giving and receiving.

With one hand I get and with the other I give. Chief told and showed us by gently slapping each hand with the other. That was it ~ pure flow.

My money was collected around September of last year and now I get to see the kiddos looking happy and rested. To date: 100 orphans have a place to rest their heads.

Sweet dreams~~~

The Love of Writing

(Taken from my journal entry on June 11, 2011 @ 10:52pm)

Today I was thinking about anxiety and my constant association with it. I find decisions to be difficult and constantly afraid that I’ll make the ‘wrong’ one. Whatever wrong really means. I’ve been waking up at night in a state of panic that I made a wrong move or it’s too late to change the course of my life. Like I’ve somehow missed an extremely important opportunity. I don’t know where it’s coming from, and I’m completely exhausted with it.

Yesterday I went to LA to see Amma, the hugging Saint. She blessed me. Seeing her makes me happy. Writing makes me very happy. I enjoy typing and watching the words appear. Sometimes when I write a story it makes my inner world appear. The manifestation on paper…. Writing is magical. I’ve never thought of it that way before.

Writing has been something that I’ve done, but not pursued as a career. I’m afraid of it because it’s the one thing that I love so much that if it were not to work out, it would devastate me. If it did work out, then I would be undeservedly happy. After writing that, it makes me laugh. There it is… the fear of freedom. Writing sets me free. I know writing would completely set me free. I know it would take me to where I want to go. I know this so deep within my heart that it’s difficult to accept. Like the love of your life.

Writing the blog has been such a good and therapeutic element in my life, but it still gives me pause. I’ll take breaks and not write for a while, I’ll neglect it. The writing is powerful because often it comes from somewhere that’s not even me. I know it’s not because when I read it back again it feels otherworldly. There are things that I’ve written that came true that wasn’t even possible that I could know at that time. It’s a channel. It’s a channel that I am intimidated by. That I become scared of and love at the same time. It’s my connection to God. It’s meditation, peace, love, introspection…. My pure happiness. I worry that this love is all consuming. That there would be nothing left. I would just be totally engulfed by it.

As it stands, I can’t hold myself back anymore. The need is so great to write. The need for freedom is so great. Liberation, total and complete. I’m afraid that having a lover would imprison me and liberate me. I’m afraid of both you know. As most people are… that’s why we stay and remain in limbo. We’re afraid of moving forward, edging closer to reality and truth. Feel like throwing up. I wish I didn’t take myself so seriously. I wish I could just laugh and laugh at my situation. How could I be so silly. Nothing bad could happen to me. My true nature is with God always… ever new joy. And what happens when we are satisfied beyond our wildest dreams? What happens when we reach the unreachable, obtain the unobtainable, become the unfathomable? Penetrate the impenetrable? It’s just my questions. You’ll know when you get there is the answer.

Out of the nest...

I can't believe it's been a month since my last posting. It feels like almost a year has past since so much has been going on. My sister came into town with her husband and baby-bump. My mom, aunt, cousins, miss Le and I threw her a beautiful shower and made some of the best food on Earth straight out of the Barefoot Contessa cookbook.

Lately, I've been working more as a teacher doing summer school programs and camps. The kids are adorable and I really enjoy getting to know their personalities and what they love to do. One day two of my students gave me roses from their garden. The gift was so perfect and sweet. Talk about melting my heart!

Speaking of ye old corazon, I'm finally getting back on the bandwagon and taking my chances with romance. Couldn't tell you how much I feel like a rusty nail and trying oh-so-hard not to show my insecurities but they are what they are. In any case... I'm sure I'll get the hang of enjoying dinners out and cuddling up on the couch to crack up over such fabulousness like old sesame street martian skits on YouTube. 'Yep-yep-yep-yep...Uh-huh Uh-huh'. Now that's the way to a woman's heart!

At long last ~ my parents finally bit the bullet and kicked me out of the nest to make room from Grandma. I was given this last week to pack up and ship out. Just when I thought I was leaving for Poway to be with my Aunt... AJ contacted me out-of-the-blue with the most fantastic miracle ever. She was moving out of her studio and offered me the space. Not only that, but she was leaving the exact same day I had to be out. Perfect timing! Can't help but think Sarah had something to do with it :)

So here I am now in my new neighborhood of University Heights thinking how amazing it is to be loved.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything, Miss AJ. You're the most magical fairy ever!

Hoo Doos & River Crossing

At the beginning of June, I took one of the most amazing trips to Bryce and Zion with a group of friends. Some I knew from before, others I made along the way. We packed 2 cars to the brim with gear, food, and people and crossed the desert to two of the most beautiful camping destinations I've been to in a long time.

First was Bryce, an extraordinary canyon of Hoo Doos. These are chimney-like formations that are created from erosion caused by melting snow and wind. We hiked the rim on the first day and then the Fairyland Loop. This one actually enters into the canyon itself and you walk amongst the Hoos and the Doos as if you were in a Dr. Seuss landscape.

There are wildlife such as chipmunks, blue jays, and deer. I saw a family of 3 run up the side with precision and caution ~ blending into the background. If they didn't move, you wouldn't know they were there.

Before our next camping destination, we stopped off at a place called Mossy Cave. There was a small cave, of course, but the coolest part of the hike was when some of us chose to cross a skinny log over a rushing river. I remember what I was thinking 'stay in yoga, you're just doing yoga.... just stay in it'.



Sevier River by Mossy Cave ~ photo by Diana Ruiz



The second leg of the trip was Zion, a natural masterpiece. The place had such an amazing energy it took me aback. While my friends took off to do Angel's Landing, I mozied at my own pace along the Virgin River and then up to the Emerald Pools. The first part of the trek I sat next to the river and let my soul rest in awe of the mountain peaks and sunlight drifting down between them like a magnificent cathedral.

I couldn't believe that in my own life... that God would care so deeply for my individual life just as he would this place. It was so large, and I am so small. To take the time to carve each rock with rainfall and wind while sustaining all kinds of plant life and animals. I am a creature here on this Earth, and I am loved just as an individual as this planet is as a whole.

Ok... so I cried. Beauty took hold of me and then my sunscreen got into my eyes and it made me cry even more... ah silly emotional stuffs.

And that's what I loved about the trip! It stripped me down a little so I could let the beauty in and cross over a rushing river while maintaining my balance.

When hope dies...

Have you ever hoped so high to the sky that when it doesn't happen.... it was the hope that died inside of you that hurt the most.

When my hope dies, it burns. It's like a Phoenix... it must die so that it is reborn anew from the ashes. Sometimes I can feel the walls tumbling and crashing down, I get angry, moody, and I cry. I often say mean things to myself , "You're so silly to believe in something so strongly. Why would you set yourself up for failure like that? Just wide open for disappointment."

I can't do this to myself right now. It hurts to much. Hurt on top of hurt. Too much hurt. I read this quote today: If Plan A didn't work out, don't worry... God has plenty of Plan Bs. I'll take a B right about now, if you please.

I love to hope, it's one of my favorite pastimes. The perpetual optimist... that's me! Oy... I can just feel the self-pity kick in. That's only good for so long, then it takes its tole. Medicine, that's what this calls for. Not the pill form, but the kind that comes from knowing yourself and your own strength. Not matter what happens, no matter how hard you get knocked down, there's always another way. There's always something better and had this particular thing happened, you wouldn't be able to receive it.

There's the birth right there. Here's to hoping :)

Party for Peace

Last week I was up in Encinitas for some meetings. I've been working on the Kids for Peace 5 Year Anniversary Celebration for the last few months with my fellow board members and we're less than 2 weeks away. We've been talking about it, planning, compromising, voting, designing, marketing, asking for donations, making baskets, and creating art for this one special night.

Pause for Peace Party Promo :)
http://www.kidsforpeaceglobal.org/5anniversary.html

As the Event Chair, I have quite a load of responsibility. There have been nights of complete anxiety, and others that are almost blissful. As I'm coming to these final days, I can feel myself losing steam. At one point, I told my mom 'I can't wait until this is all over'. My mom is an amazing event planner, decorator, and all purpose Martha Stewart. She agreed that yes, she has felt that way many times and it's a mistake. 'I often find myself looking to the day after for relief... and forgetting to enjoy all of the moments leading up to it, including the night itself.' 

What sage advice. Mothers simply have that way, don't they? They completely understand, and then lovingly show you the error of your ways...

In that moment, I relaxed. That was over a month ago, and now I'm find myself looking once again to the day after. If it's relief I need, I can find it in knowing I have 11 days and 18.5 hours left ~ OR I can choose to enjoy every single day as a heartbeat closer to this beautiful event that will help plant seeds of peace within my hometown of San Diego. It is my hope that one day soon ~ they will carry across the globe to those other Kids for Peace waiting for a chapter to be born in their hometown.

Luckily... Encitinitas is one of my favorite places in San Diego. Before my meetings, I walked the Self-Realization Gardens for clarity and after my duties were done I watched the sunset at the J Street overlook (one of the best hideouts ever). It reminds when I feel anxious and controlling to realize that some things naturally take their own time. I reasure myself that you can't rush a sunset.

Here is the video I took to share with you.

'And now ~ for your moment of zen...'

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter one and all! This morning I woke up not-so-early and rushed to Chemple (my combo word meaning Church and Temple) for the Easter sermon. I was half an hour early. What!?! As most of you have already discovered I typically run 5-15 min late. Anywho... I skipped my shower today and then when I got home my parents were in a rush to get to my Aunt's house. Have you ever had that not-so-fresh feeling? Well I did for sure!!! Good thing my family doesn't judge (or doesn't let me know that they do), and the ponytail can work magic for hiding greasy hair. Ewwww :(

  I'm embarking on year 30 and guess what... I still hunt Easter eggs. Proudly I might add, and so did my cousin in Texas, and some of my dear friends above the 3 decade mark. It's all good, but I missed NOT being knocked around by my tenacious cousin, Kira. She makes it fun, exciting, dangerous, and extremely competitive. We missed you, love!

  After the egging, I went to visit my grandma who's now recuperating in a nursing home from a large blood clot. She doesn't like it there, and I try to get her out on the town but I can tell it's bumming her out. It's been a challenge this month emotionally just feeling for her and the worries she has about death. We've talked a lot about the Great Beyond, we've shared our personal beliefs, stories, and what we'd like to have happen after we pass. I guess it being Easter and all sorta helps segue into that topic.. what happens after death??? The answer is there right in front of our faces ~ eggs, chocolate, baskets and bunnies.

          Joking aside for the time being... and I'm gonna make a cosmic leap here... literally... but do you realize that from our perspective on earth, we are the ONLY thing we see in the NOW? Meaning, all the stars and other light that surrounds us is so far away it's time delayed.  We see into the past constantly and those same stars help us predict the future (some may say). Following that logic the past is really our future and our future is really our past.

          So my conclusion here (tying the bits and pieces together) is that death a conscious return to source: it is when you realize you are not the leaf that has fallen from the tree but part of the tree, you are not the tree but part of the earth, you are not the earth but part solar system, you are not the solar system but part of the galaxy, you are not the galaxy but part of the universe.

          For now... I'm consciously tired and ready for bed. Goodnight Neverland!

Wedding Bells & Baby Rattles




Darcy, Le, Stephanie, Lindsey, me, and Kira



Seeing things from a new perspective can be tricky. I just got a new pair of prescription glasses and going without for a while actually got me used to seeing things a la fuzzy. Now with my new UBER clear glasses things are quite sharp and CLEAR.

Lately, there has been even more changes. My cousin got married AND my sister got pregnant. Well... not in that order really ;) but it's interesting how both add another person to the family. I now have a cousin-in-law, and I'm an Aunt to be. Now that's a weekend!


I can't tell you how much I cried over the last few days... if you saw me you'd think that I was stuck in the clutches of Barbara Walters and she was digging up my childhood. It was embarrassing! Anywho.. the wedding was so beautiful that it could have been featured in Martha Stewart Living. We were in the San Diego Botanic Gardens. Although it was bloody freezing, we all managed to stay warm by dancing ferociously to Katie Perry's 'Firework' (TWICE) and 'Baby Got Back' ...a wedding must!

Special thanks to AJ for doing my beautiful make-up and hair!!! (btw.. this photo was taken post ferocious dancing).